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California Schools Piloting Class: The Grass IS Greener on the Other Side of the Fence

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    The California Department of Education revealed today that select high schools around the state will be piloting a new class in the Fall titled “The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.”  The state hopes the class will be a graduation requirement throughout the state by 2025, sooner if State Senator Weiner can get some of his Grass Pride friends elected to the California Congress.

    The reactions amongst the schools chosen to pilot the class have been positive, except for the “haters” that spread disinformation that the grass on the other side of the fence is the same color, or that the grass on the other side is actually dead because the sprinkler system doesn’t extend that far.

    One high school principal was very eager to start the new school year, stating “I cherish this opportunity to extend our learning on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion and climate justice to the grass on the other side of the fence.  The sad fact is, those particular grasses have been systemically oppressed in the United States, and indeed the world.  I am looking forward to bringing environmental justice to those grasses.”

    One of the teachers that were selected to teach the class exclaimed  “I am a proud Trans-grassed woman with a penis!  F*** You!”–and then stormed out of the interview.

    Another teacher was a little bit more talkative when asked “what aspect of the grass being greener are you most looking forward to teach?”  The teacher responded:

    I am sick and tired of the Extreme Ultra Magas terrorizing this country!  This is my body and this is my choice!  You’ve been fully vaccinated, right?!  Do you realize that those Extreme Ultra Magas were at our last school board meeting complaining that I, an educated professional, was something called a “groomer” because I keep a chart of how many of my first graders I’ve convinced to go to the greener grass–could you not print that please, none of the parents know we… errr…the children have chosen happiness over their socially assigned grass they received from the state at birth.  We are hoping to get most of them into foster care soon.

    The teacher, who claimed to be a non-binary BDSM enthusiast and an amateur wrestler with the moniker “Mountain”, then tied this reporter to a classroom desk and proceeded to give a two-hour Critical Race Theory training.  Thankfully, this reporter was not harmed, other than a few minor rope burns, and the teacher did not change into any costumes.

    When a PTA president of one high school was asked about the new class, she stated that she knew nothing about it and that it was the first she had heard.   The PTA president was visibly flummoxed by the news and stated “That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard!  Everyone knows that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence!  What if my child goes to the other side of the fence and discovers the grass isn’t greener?  What if there isn’t any grass at all on the other side?  Can my child get back again?”

    Two weeks after the PTA president was interviewed she was arrested by the Capitol Police for going to the school board meeting and asking to see the curriculum for the new class and coitizing the board for piloting it.  A statement from the Capitol Police stated that they acted on geolocation information provided by the US Postal Service that clearly puts the PTA president at the podium in the boardroom.  The statement added regarding the geolocation data:  “their technology is that good”.

    Another principal, when asked why not just teach students to love the green grass that they do have, as God does, called the SWAT team on this reporter who was then detained, transported to Washington DC, and interrogated for three days before being released to finish this column, after promising to never ask that question again.

    No further interviews were allowed and a team of four fact-checkers now accompany this reporter daily to ensure no disinformation or misinformation is spread.



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