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Elon Musk Purchases Planned Parenthood, Turns It Into Adoption Agency

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    After seeing how his purchase of Twitter melted leftists’ brains, Elon Musk found a new way to entertain himself. It is now being reported the Tesla CEO is making a bid to take the nominal non-profit agency Planned Parenthood completely private.

    Much like Twitter had been, Planned Parenthood is currently operating entirely dependent on the government. The former relied on guidance as to which narratives should and should not be allowed whereas the latter relies on an unconstitutional mandate to permit heinous acts of cruelty and receives egregious sums of taxpayer money to carry them out.

    Musk seeks to change all of that. In a tweet that has since gone viral, he stated the following:

    “I have submitted my intention to necessary stakeholders of buying Planned Parenthood effectively immediately. It is an offer they simply cannot refuse.”

    In a follow-up tweet, Musk then offered an overview of his plans after he became the sole private owner of the one-hundred-year-old eugenics outlet:

    “My first order of business will be to help every pregnant WOMAN with the proper medical care to ensure their own health and the health of their developing child throughout the process of pregnancy.”

    Musk went on to elaborate that his plans included recommending the cessation of smoking, drinking, and drug usage, along with a proper regimen of clean eating of whole foods and daily exercise. He didn’t think this was novel information, but when speaking to pregnant mothers he realized their pharma-trained providers only want to push pills and not holistic information on self-care, as well as a bizarre hands-off approach so as to “respect” everyone’s lifestyle choices.

    Once delivered, every mother will have an opportunity to bond with their newborn. Musk suspects most will realize they want to be a mother after all when seeing the most precious, God-created wonder in the world, but those that don’t will be able to, judgment free, offer that child to the one of countless couples hoping to add to their families.

    Always the troll, it is hard to tell how Musk will enrage the left more: The idea that only women can become pregnant or the idea that women won’t have access to unfettered infanticidal whims. Indeed, in epic troll-like fashion, Musk brought this incongruent ideological chasm to light in yet another barrage of amazing tweets:

    “In the span of just a few weeks, we went from watching in shock as the first black female Supreme Court justice – in Biden’s own words – told her questioners she couldn’t even define what being a woman was out of complete fear of the Rainbow Jihad, to now reverting back to tired feminist talking points of protecting a woman’s right to choose. Which one is it, guys?”

    Ending his tweet about female empowerment with the word “guys” is just icing on the cake here. Delicious!

    Now, if the leftist response to losing just one social media company out of countless that control the government’s narratives is any indication of how insane people become when Musk enters a conversation, it is impossible to even conceptualize how insane they will get when Planned Parenthood is purchased and retooled from its original purpose.

    Those protests in front of the Supreme Court will look like a newly-wed couple consummating their marriage if this happens.

    It is not known what position Musk has on the topic of abortion, a wonderful euphemism for child murder. In this particular case, it is also not as noteworthy. The fact that Musk has agreed to save millions of babies and seek loving homes – away from their genocidal biological mothers – is a good enough place to start.

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