NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Biden’s Briefing Room recently released a statement cheering his meeting with the President of Mexico and claiming that the meeting went quite well, saying:
President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. welcomed President Pedro Sanchez of Spain to the White House today to reaffirm the close partnership between the United States and Spain. The leaders underscored our unwavering support for Ukraine in the face of Russia’s brutal war, including through continued security, economic, and humanitarian assistance to Ukraine, as well as the imposition of measures to impose economic costs on Moscow. The leaders noted the recent signing of the expanded Agreement on Defense Cooperation between the United States and Spain, which facilitates the presence of additional U.S. warships in Spain and enhances NATO’s collective security. The two leaders discussed ongoing efforts to advance prosperity, security, shared values, and the rules-based international order, including as Spain assumes the Presidency of the Council of the European Union this July. The leaders committed to deepen economic cooperation in the Americas, including through the Inter-American Development Bank. President Biden also thanked Spain for its recent commitment to expand safe, humane, and regular migration pathways for individuals from Latin America.
The two Presidents also discussed avenues to broaden the scope of our cooperation. The United States and Spain intend to work rapidly toward achieving our shared goals to address the climate crisis. They will intensify cooperation on early warning systems, ocean protection, and drought resilience, and continue our strong collaboration on energy security.
While that makes it sound like all went swimmingly between the two presidents, the truth is quite different. In fact, the Spanish Preisdent grew very hostile to Biden, who kept calling him “my little Mexican friend.”
Biden even said that in his opening remarks at a joint presser with the two men (with his comments being wiped from any official transcript and news crews ordered not to broadcast them), saying:
“Now, look here, Jack, relations between the US and…um, Mexico…all you Spanish looking guys…well, relations have never been better. We’re working on lots of cool things like going to the moon, stopping the flow of crack across the border, and strengthening NATO! The adults are back in charge, as it were. Ain’t no one gonna say otherwise because that just isn’t the truth, got it?!
“So, anyway, my little Mexican friend here and I have a good bit we want to work on together, as there are lots of joint interests between our two countries given our similar cultures, similar histories, and shared love of alcohol and good food. And it’s racist to say otherwise. So, my little Mexican friend and I want to wish you a happy New Year, and think it’s time to go to bed.”
Biden then tried wandering off stage, but was stopped by Dr. Jill Biden. She led him by his ear back to the podium and made him stand there and answer questions, while also informing him that they were in Spain, not Mexico. Biden, looking confused, said “We can’t be in Europe, everyone’s speaking Spanish!”