NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
President Biden’s White House just released a statement in which it claimed to be ready to start “investing in America,” which the statement made sound like it was going to use taxpayer dollars to fund businesses supported by the Biden regime, which is to say woke ones. It said, in part:
During the tour, President Biden and leaders across the Administration will travel directly to communities benefitting from President Biden’s Investing in America agenda. This includes communities seeing new manufacturing and clean energy investments spurred by the Inflation Reduction Act and CHIPS and Science Act, new infrastructure projects funded by the Bipartisan Infrastructure Law, small businesses and families saving money on high-speed internet as a result of the American Rescue Plan, and more. While Congressional Republicans try to repeal key provisions of the Investing in America agenda that are lowering costs for millions of Americans and revitalizing American manufacturing, President Biden and leaders across the Administration will highlight how the President’s Investing in America agenda is creating jobs and opportunity in every corner of the country.
Well, Biden using tax dollars to build solar panels and electric vehicles, or whatever, would have been preferable to what he actually did. That he announced in a short audio clip that appears to have been accidentally posted to Twitter.
In that, he said, “Now, lookie here, Jack. What really matters is that we invest in America by investing in Hunter, got it? I don’t care about all those racists out in wherever…now’s the time to focus on Hunter since the Ultra MAGA racists are being so mean to him. So we gotta get him some cash and do so by ummm investing in America. Understand?”
Continuing, Biden said, “So what we’re gonna do is send Hunter over to China on a secret flight and have him meet with all the fine gentlemen over there, nice folks, the CCP is full of. You know. Yeah. So, we’re gonna send Hunter there and he’ll ummmmmm, he’ll will upm, well, collect money from them when they tell him what businesses they want. Heck, we still got a lot of stuff here. Factories that make flares, factories that make shoes, factories that make food. Lots of cool stuff. Got it? So Hunter will ask what they want, then we’ll get the consultants to recommend moving it abroad and we’ll make sure that it happens. Just that simple, Jack. And that’s a fact.”
Biden said the audio clip that went viral on Twitter before being deleted a few hours later was a “deepfake” that had been posted by “radical MAGA hackers in Russia” and that he was against offshoring businesses. Two days later, the last silverware manufacturer in the US moved to China and Hunter bought a new home in California.