Note: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such,
The Biden Administration announced this week that President Biden’s advisors met with representatives from a woke NGO called the “Poor People’s Campaign,” a group that claims to help poor people but really just takes money out of the pockets of rich, guilty-feeling donors and drops it in the pockets of schemers. In any case, the Biden Administration made the meeting sound like a success and like the group was happy, which is patently false. In any case, here’s what the White House said:
This week, White House Office of Public Engagement Director Steve Benjamin, Domestic Policy Advisor Neera Tanden, and Infrastructure Implementation Coordinator Mitch Landrieu met with Co-Chair of the Poor People’s Campaign Bishop William J. Barber, Service Employees International Union (SEIU) International President Mary Kay Henry, and other leaders from the Poor People’s Campaign and Repairers of the Breach to discuss the enduring fight to end poverty in America.
During the meeting, senior White House officials underscored the Biden-Harris Administration’s commitment to make the promise of America real for every American, including communities impacted by persistent poverty. They discussed how President Biden has led the most equitable economic recovery on record by signing into law the historic American Rescue Plan (ARP), Bipartisan Infrastructure Law, and Inflation Reduction Act (IRA), in turn creating more than 13 million jobs since taking office and helping generate new economic opportunities for underserved communities. The officials thanked participants for sharing their stories about the devastating impact of poverty and for their moral leadership and partnership in building an America in which all can participate, prosper, and reach their full potential. The officials emphasized the Biden-Harris Administration’s core commitment to continue building the economy from the bottom up and the middle out.
Regardless of what was said, the meeting was very much not a success. Rather, it was first boring and then very uncomfortable when Biden walked into it and told the crowd that he was there to “help all the poor people make better decisions.” That ground the meeting to an awkward halt as someone tried to think of what to say.
So Biden filled the empty space with his opinions, saying, “Now lookie here, poor people. I know what I’m doing, alright? I’m a smartun. Don’t believe me? Just look at Hunter, he ain’t one of y’all! And that’s a fact! Why not? I taught him howta be smart with money! Got invest it Jack, not in companies but in people and ideas. That’s what my political mentors always taught me and it’s the best way to go about it. Got it? That’s why Hunter’s sitting pretty on all that cash and don’t even have pay child support! Understand? So that’s what ya gotta do. Just that simple, ya hear?”
Frustrated with the president, the non-profit leaders got up to leave as the Biden officials promised them yet more taxpayer dollars to spend on marketing and mansions for themselves.