NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Biden did his usual thing and said far, far too much in a recent speech about NATO in Lithuania, during which he announced that NATO hates Russia because the Russians are too harsh toward homosexuals.
That began with Biden rambling about how great it is that NATO has stuck together in dealing with the Russian invasion of Ukraine, saying:
Now, over the last few days, as President of the United States, I had the honor of participating in a historic NATO Summit hosted by Lithuania, where we welcomed NATO’s newest Ally, Finland, and reached agreement to bring Sweden into the Alliance as soon as possible. And President Erdoğan kept his word.
We have witnessed your historic journey. And I’m proud to call Lithuania a friend, partner, and Ally. Ally. Ally. Soon, NATO will be the 32nd freestanding — have free- — 33 — 32 freestanding members — standing together to defend our people and our territory, beyond — beyond all the rest, bound by democratic values to make us strong and by our sacred oath that an attack against — it is a sacred oath — attack against one is an attack against all. Because each member of NATO knows that the strength of our people and the power of our unity cannot be denied. If I sound optimistic, it’s because I am. Today, our Alliance remains a bulwark of global security and stability as it’s been for more than seven decades. NATO is stronger, more energized, and, yes, more united than ever in its history. Indeed, more vital to our shared future.
It didn’t happen by accident. It wasn’t inevitable. When Putin, and his craven lust for land and power, unleashed his brutal war on Ukraine, he was betting NATO would break apart. He was betting NATO would break. He thought our unity would shatter at the first testing. He thought democratic leaders would be weak. But he thought wrong. Faced with a threat — faced with a threat to the peace and stability of the world, to democratic values we hold dear, to freedom itself, we did what we always do: The United States stepped up. NATO stepped up. Our partners in Europe, in the In- — and then the Indo-Pacific stepped up. All across the world they stepped up. And we’re ready — we were ready because we stood together.
He then let the cat out of the bag, saying, “We stood together for democratic values, for human rights like homosexual marriage and the freedom to disparage Christians. You don’t have those rights in Russia. You can’t sodomize each other there, those who do so can’t marry each other, you can’t speak poorly of the Christian faith. Who wants to live in such a world? Who wants to live in a world where marriage is between men and women and Christianity is respected? Not me! Not NATO! We in NATO stand for freedom of speech about Christianity. We stand for gay marriage. We stand for transing the kids. And we won’t stop fighting until Russia does too!“