NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Ron DeSantis and the politicians in charge of the Florida education system recently updated the curriculum for young kids, making it so that they learn the positive aspects of American history rather than a slew of lies about random nonsense, namely the “evil” of the Founding Fathers.
Predictably, Kamala Harris was furious about that. Speaking to a crowd of people who somehow made it through her ear-shredding cackles, Kamala said:
I am a product of teachers and an educational system that believed in providing the children with the full expanse of information that allowed them to then — and encouraged them — to then reach their own conclusions and exercise critical thought in a way that was directly intended to nurture their leadership.
Because, you see, when we think about it, part of true patriotism means fighting for a nation that will be better for each generation to come. Right? Believing that our nation is worth the investment in fighting for the children of America, that we will provide them with the information they need to go into the world and lead. I will tell you, as Vice President of the United States, I have now met with over 100 world leaders — presidents, prime ministers, chancellors, and kings. One of the things about who we are as Americans is we can walk in those rooms with the authority earned, for the most part — except recently, sometimes — earned authority to walk in those rooms talking about what it means to uphold democracies, the importance of rule of law, human rights. And when we walk in those rooms, we do it proud of the fact that we have been held up and held out as a role model.
Continuing, she added, “And let me tell you this: the way DeSantis and those evil Republicans want to teach it, history is racist. You learn about the War of Souther Evil, and it’s not all negative! You learn about the Founding Fathers, but are taught to respect them rather than view them as racists! You learn about America, but not its role in promoting racism and reactionary politics around the world, particularly in nations full of people of color!”
“So let me tell you this: Ron DeSantis must be stopped. Red states must be stopped. Kids must learn that America is evil, not that it has any positive attributes. How will democracy survive if the kids learn what the Founders thought of it? What will they think about our current system?”
“No, for our democray to survive, kids must learn that America is evil. Anything less than that is racist, any history that doesn’t teach that is a racist lie, and any teacher who teaches them positive things about pre-Barack Obama America deserves to be locked up!”