NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Biden decided to ramble at yet another speech about “Bidenomics,” which to him means “wonderful economy,” but to normal Americans struggling to pay their bills means “backbreaking inflation, globalization, and a terrible labor market, not to mention shortages at every store.”
In the speech, Biden first patted himself on the back for how well he is doing before ending up saying the quiet part out loud and talking about how he wants people to buy more Chinese goods. Beginning it, he said:
And thanks to all the state legislation and local officials here today. And I know you’ve been hit hard by flooding. And FEMA Administrator Criswell has been working closely with you on — in terms of the ground teams that we have — to get what you need. And we’re not going away until everything is back. It’s Build Back Better, not just build back to where it was, but better, because the environment has changed an awful lot.
I’m here to talk to you about what we’re doing to bring manufacturing back to America, about our progress in building an economy from the middle out and the bottom up, not the top down. Yesterday, we learned the economy grew faster than expected last quarter. And this morning, we saw data showing that last month the annual rate of inflation continued to decline. So inflation is now at its lowest point in two years. And wages are up after being adjusted for inflation.
When I came to office, I was determined — determined to end the trickle-down economy — excuse me, this little stand is out. I’ll make sure I don’t trip over it. Maybe if I stand on it, I’ll make myself three inches taller. I came to office determined — determined to move from a trickle-down economics that everyone from the Financial Times and the Wall Street Journal and the — has called Bidenomics. But the plan is working: building from the bottom up and the middle out. Folks, you know, all that trickle-down stuff — when the wealthy do very well, we all do well — well, my dad was an honorable man. My dad worked like the devil. A real gentleman. But not a whole lot ever trickled down on our kitchen table if you’re middle-class folks.
Then came the part he wasn’t supposed to say. “Well, I know how your life can get better this instant: support American companies like Amazon, not to mention your bottom line, by buying Chinese goods! Hunter has a Chinese credit card, folks, they make good stuff. I know, I use it too! And look, all this American stuff…well it’s racist and too expensive. Chinese stuff? Like shirts. Not so much! And it’s better quality than you’d think. So support America, support the budget, by buying Chinese stuff. It’s just that simple.”
That led to hissing and booing from the mostly blue-collar crowd gathered to hear him, noises which Biden declared to be “racist.”