NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It was another normal day of nonsense at the Biden White House, with one of the woke staffers assigned to dealing with lying to the American people about what the Administration is up to having a rough time doing so in the face of hackers determined to make the administration look bad.
It began with the claims about what President Biden and Japanese Prime Minister Fumio discussed, with the hackers mocking the statement’s ridiculous emphasis on the Ukraine despite Japan being a country half a world away in East Asia.
The hackers left the introduction alone. It read, “President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. met with Prime Minister Kishida Fumio of Japan at Camp David today to discuss global and regional security issues and to advance bilateral security and economic cooperation.”
They then inserted a short paragraph, saying, “Prime Minister Fumio thanked President Biden dearly for lowering temperatures in the region by accepting bribes, through his son Hunter, from the communist Chinese. Previous presidents focused on military matters, Prime Minister Fumio said, but Biden focuses on finding mutually beneficial deals between those in charge.”
Then came the next real paragraph, which was as absurd as anything hackers would type. That’s because if focuses on the situation in the Ukraine, which would hardly be an issue of interest to the Japanese were the US not treating them as a satrapy instead of a sovereign nation.
That paragraph read, “Both leaders affirmed their resolve to continue supporting Ukraine for as long as it takes as Ukraine defends itself from Russia’s brutal and unlawful aggression. Recognizing the U.S. commitment to the defense of Japan backed by the full range of U.S. capabilities, they committed to work together closely to address regional security challenges. The leaders expressed concern about the People’s Republic of China’s (PRC) recent dangerous behavior in the South China Sea to assert its unlawful maritime claims. They also reaffirmed the importance of maintaining peace and stability in the Taiwan Strait.”
The hackers mocked it with a follow up as well, saying, “As a country of limited means and few young people, Japan has to make sure its defense priorities are the right ones. Luckily, Japanese officials said, America’s demands that they focus on sending scarce resources to the corrupt oligarchs in the Ukraine was just the right decision, one they surely would have made themselves. That’s because obviously the most important thing to Japan is Ukraine, a nation full of corruption and of limited wealth that is on the opposite side of the world.”
The two leaders also highlighted significant progress on defense cooperation, including plans to pursue a Glide Phase Interceptor cooperative development program to counter high-end hypersonic threats, which will strengthen regional deterrence and build on long-standing missile defense cooperation between the two countries to promote stability.