NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It’s “Venezuelan Diaspora Day,” for whatever reason, and so the Biden Administration has been on the forefront of cheering the number of Venezuelan migrants who have flocked to America’s shores in recent years, claiming that their doing so is a great success for America and can only lead to more and more good things. That speech went awry when Biden was asked about recent news of Venezuelans robbing American retail locations.
Such happened when Biden gave a speech on the “Venezuelan Diaspora” and how wonderful it is that America is now full of Venezuelans, saying that it is a great thing they are all here to receive “reproductive healthcare” in America. He said:
Last week, the White House Office of Public Engagement convened over 90 Latino leaders from the Venezuelan community to discuss the Biden-Harris Administration’s ongoing efforts and investments within the Latino community. During the first panel, participants discussed the Biden-Harris Administration’s effort to expand legal pathways, including the expansion and redesignation of Venezuela TPS as well as the Cuban, Nicaraguan, Haitian, and Venezuelan parole program, and shared their personal stories about these programs.
In the second panel, Biden-Harris Administration officials discussed how President Biden’s economic agenda Bidenomics is helping to create economic opportunities for Latinos and outlined initiatives available for equitable access of government programs including the Department of Health and Human Services’ Language Access Plan, the Small Business Digital Alliance, and the Hispanic Initiative for Educational Excellence.
Speakers also uplifted the Biden-Harris Administration’s efforts to expand healthcare coverage, including reproductive healthcare. Biden-Harris Administration officials will continue working with the community to deliver on the President’s efforts to advance equity for the Latino community.
Then Peter Doocy stood up and asked, “Mr. President, over the past week, about a dozen Venezuelan migrants have been caught robbing stores across America. Most recently it was a Macy’s in Michigan. Is having them here worth the added cost in crime and crime prevention, particularly given that the average immigrant costs more to the taxpayer in terms of benefits than he or she brings in? Or is mass migration a terribly bad idea?”
Biden, a bit out of it at that point thanks to his already having to have read three full paragraphs without an oatmeal or ice cream break, said, “Look, Jack…what’s your name again? Oh, Peter. Well, Jack, lemme tell ya…I think it’s a great thing they’re here.We’re so glad they’re here to rob stores, or whatever. Lemme tell ya why. This is important. If they did that in Venezuela, they’d be shot. No joke! They shoot people down there for small stuff. Real small stuff. That’s no good! So we need to be humane. And, look, we can be humane if we treat em nicely.”
“So, look. We don’t like crime. But better the crime happen here, where we can avoid it and they won’t die, than back in their tough on crime home country! That’s the humane thing to do so it is what we support. Got it?!”