NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
President Joe Biden was recently trotted out in front of the cameras for yet another speech on inflation, with this one going even worse than normal for the less-than-genius-level president. That’s because he went off track in a big way during the speech, focusing not on what he should have focused on, which is anything other than the American economic disaster zone, but instead jumped into that and then made some embarrassing admissions.
It kicked off with Biden claiming that everything is going great in the economy, saying it’s at its strongest in five decades, a laughable claim for anyone around during the Reagan or Trump eras. He said, “Today’s report shows that wage growth has been the strongest of any economic recovery in 50 years. At a time when growth and employment remain strong, inflation declined by two thirds from its peak but we know there’s still work to do to lower costs.”
Continuing, Brandon claimed, “That’s why I’m fighting to lower costs for middle class families—from the cost of insulin and other prescription drugs, to eliminating hidden junk fees that companies use to rip you off, to calling on corporations to pass savings on to consumers instead of hiding price increases by shrinking package sizes. I will continue standing in the way of Congressional Republicans who want to cut taxes for the wealthy and large corporations, raise costs for middle class families, and cut Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid.”
But then he went off track. “Look, prices…we all hate high prices! We do, I get it. I really do. But look, look, high prices aren’t the only thing that matter. They really aren’t. You know what does matter? I’ll tell ya. It’s that business are basically minting money. Look, if you look back at like 100 years ago…and I wasn’t alive then, despite what Republicans tell ya, it umm…well, what mattered was…umm, well what I mean is that it was hard for them to make a million bucks. Think about that! Hard to make a million. Heck, Hunter was paid that much for doing nothing at all.”
“So, what I’m saying is…I mean…ummm, yeah, what I am saying, is that inflation isn’t bad for business. It isn’t! Just look at how much money these places are making. Look at how, umm, look at how well they are doing with their profits and such. Way higher than they used to be! It ain’t that hard to understand: inflation is helping these fellas make more money. It’s just that simple. It really is. So that’s what you need to understand.”
“So we in the Biden inflation, the Biden administration, I mean, we get that you don’t like inflation. Higher prices on soy milk are no good. They aren’t! Those greedy companies need to pay for it. But, umm, it’s also good that they are making a whole lot of money and that’s thanks to us. You’re welcome. Bidenflation is good for business.”