President Joe Biden has announced a bold promise to call for a ceasefire in Ukraine – with one significant caveat: the ceasefire will only be pursued once his son, Hunter, completes his laundry cycle of money laundering endeavors.
The unexpected announcement came during a hastily arranged press briefing at the White House, where Biden, flanked by a stack of freshly washed bills and a visibly agitated Hunter, addressed the nation with all the gravity of a parent waiting for their child to finish their chores.
“Folks, I want to assure you that we are fully committed to bringing peace and stability to Ukraine,” Biden began, his tone solemn yet tinged with a hint of exasperation. “But we also have to be realistic here. Hunter’s got a lot on his plate right now, what with the money laundering and all. So, we’re just going to have to wait until he’s done with that before we can move forward with the ceasefire.”
The announcement drew a mix of confusion and disbelief from reporters, with many struggling to comprehend the President’s unusual stipulation. “Wait, did he just say what I think he said?” exclaimed one incredulous journalist, furiously scribbling notes as the implications of Biden’s words sunk in. “Are we really going to let international diplomacy hinge on whether Hunter can finish his laundry on time?”
Critics of the President wasted no time in pouncing on the perceived absurdity of Biden’s promise, with some accusing him of prioritizing family affairs over matters of national security. “This is just ridiculous,” remarked one outspoken commentator on Fox News, shaking his head in disbelief. “I mean, I’ve heard of family ties, but this is taking it to a whole new level.”
As the nation grapples with the implications of Biden’s unexpected announcement, one thing is for certain: in the fast-paced world of international politics, even the most serious of matters can sometimes be subject to the whims of family obligations. And in this case, it seems that peace in Ukraine will have to wait until Hunter’s laundry is done.