NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It’s another day that ends in “y” and so it’s another day of President Slow Joe Biden embarrassing the United States on the world stage, this time by admitting that he lied about the reason his handlers sent him to Alaska for 9/11, much to the painful embarrassment of everyone in the room.
Beginning, he first read off of the script, lying about the real reason, and then muttered about economics and a “partnership” between the US and Vietnam. He said:
I’ll be going from here to Alaska to speak to several thousand of our troops in Alaska because I’m not going to be able to get back to the site where it occurred. Every year, I’m usually at one of the sites where that act — where the terrorist act occurred. But you were generous to think of us.
We last saw each other at the G7. And you emphasized that we have to stand together and we have to stand strong and shoulder to shoulder. You know, that was — our new Comprehensive Strategic Partnership — that’s what it’s all about because we’re both Pacific powers and advancing a free and open Indo-Pacific is overwhelmingly in our interest, as well as, quite frankly, in the interests of the whole world. It’s in the interest of the whole world.
And strengthening our economic security, climate security, health security together; driving technological innovation in both our countries — a step toward this goal today — we’re signing a memorandum of cooperation — to help to strengthen our semiconductor industries. And it’s only just the beginning of that. We’re just beginning. And so, Mr. Prime Minister, thank you again for having me here. It’s been a wonderful visit thus far, and I’m looking forward to working with you personally and with all the people of Vietnam.
That’s when Biden just couldn’t contain himself and had to ruin what was one of his less incoherent speeches, saying, “Actually, you know, that’s a lie. Ain’t the truth. Not the boring stuff about, uhh, the computer mumbo jumbo and the, ummmm, whatcha call it with the whole economics and boats and such. That’s, uhh, that’s true. But I’m, I am, uhh, I’m saying that what is going on with Alaska is that they want me there not to do the thing and look for crab legs, or whatever, but because they worry I will say something embarrassing on 9/11.”
“Can you believe that? They think Joe would say something he shouldn’t! I am the president, aren’t I?! I can make my own comments about that day the CIA, errr, the terrorists, attacked the towers and so we had to invade Iraq to stop the Saudis from crashing planes in New York. I think. Anyway, Beau died in that attack. It was very tragic, just like his death in Iraq, and that’s why we need to fund the CIA even more so that it can fight those terrorists!”