NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
During a recent White House event about a “Juneteenth concert,” Biden was attempting to shore up his support with black voters, many of whom are suggesting that they won’t vote because they’re so tired of his pandering and the terrible economy he has created. He began by saying:
Tonight’s performers help us feel the power of Juneteenth and Black Music Month, among other things. As Kamala described earlier to honor the true meaning of Juneteenth, our entire administration is continuing the charge forward to literally redeem the soul of America. When I announced I was running the first time, I said I was running for three reasons. And even some of my staff thought I was crazy. I said one — the first reason is to restore the soul of America. (Applause.) Restore decency and honor.
Let me just add this: To me, making Juneteenth a federal holiday wasn’t just a symbolic gesture. It was a statement of fact for this country to acknowledge the origin of — original sin of slavery. To understand the war [that] was never fought over it — it wasn’t just about a Union, but it was most fundamentally about the country and freedom.
To remember the Emancipation Proclamation wasn’t just a document. It captured the essence of freedom that galvanized the country. It proved that some ideas are more powerful; they can’t be denied. It’s a reminder that the promise of America is we all are created equal in the image of God, and we deserve to be treated equally throughout our entire lives.
He then turned back to the concert, which was a mix of nearly unintelligible rap and incredibly vulgar hip hop. “Now lemme tell..umm…let me uhhhh, well, tell ya something, Jack! Or should I say Jaquan? Haha. Anyway, let me tell you this: that hippity hoppity concert was darn good. Heck, it was pretty darn impressive what those fellas did up there. But I gotta say, as a big consumer of African-American tunes and music, that wasn’t quite as good as jazz. That my favorite bla–, err, African-American music. Better than rap, better than R & B, better than old time blues…jazz just had soul, Jack…Jaquan.”
“But hey,” he continued. “I get it. Rap has some exciting stories. Like a medical epic, but with way more sex and such! It’s a lotta fun to listen to what situations those fellas found themselves in! But still, just gotta say it, rap ain’t got nothin on rap, and that’s a fact, Jack! Jaquan.”
Few people were paying attention to what Biden was saying, as Hunter had shown up with a large supply of crack and liquor at that point, but leftist Twitter later got hold of the speech and called it “racist,” saying that Biden should have talked in such a “condescending” way about rap artists and their travails. Biden refuted those claims, saying he was “more black than white, Jack.”