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“And That’s Why We’re Putting You Out of Business”: Kamala’s Speech to Small Business Leaders Goes Off the Rails

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Kamala’s speech to small business leaders over the weekend went…less than well. Instead of presenting a powerful vision for the future and reassuring those who have decided to run their own business rather than work for some soul-sucking corporation, she first offered empty platitudes and then started shouting at and threatening those whom she was supposed to be reassuring.

    She began, as is usual, with a word salad full of empty platitudes that showed her utter vapidity, lack of command of the English language, and inability to be even a tolerable speaker, much less a charismatic one. She said:

    Our President has long been a leader on this and so many other issues.  But he’s quite passionate about this one.  And I will tell you, working with him and having the honor of doing that — no matter what room he is in, when the cameras are on or when they are off, President Biden is always fightingfor America’s small-business owners and entrepreneurs.  And so, we all thank him, of course, for his leadership in that regard.

    Small-business owners are the backbone of America’s economy. You are. Through your creativity, tenacity, and determination, you help create prosperity and opportunity for millions of people in our country. Our small-business owners are business leaders.  And our small-business owners are community leaders and civic leaders. You train young people and hire locally.  You support the local softball team.  You are role models and mentors.

    That’s when someone yelled out, “Can you cut taxes then? We need to donate to organizations in our communities, not send money for your jokers to waste on castrating kids or propping up oligarchs half a world away!”

    Kamala, as could be expected, was not happy. In fact, she was fuming. So she started yelling. Loudly. “Who do you think you are?” Kamala screamed. “I’m the vice president of the United States! You will respect me and let me speak! And not only that, you’ll like what we do. You know, we know what you people are up to. You business owners that are independent…we know your free thinking, your not conforming to corporate control, we know that makes you enemies. And hell, we’re gonna start treating you like it.”

    “So will we cut taxes? No, no we will not. Well, not for you. Big companies are gonna get all the tax cuts and credits they can handle. You’re not gonna get a dime. In fact, we might take a few more from you…and you better get used to it. We don’t want you independent, successful, or financially free. We want you subservient. We want you listening to, praising, and obeying us. And we’ll break you on the wheel with taxes, regulations, and diversity mandates if you don’t comply. Got it?”

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