NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
As Americans react with horror to Joe Biden’s FBI acting like the Stasi and raiding not just the Mar-a-Lago Trump residence, but also dozens of Trump allies around the country, most notably MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell, Joe Biden has decided that it’s well past time to advance part two of his tyrannical agenda. What will he be doing this time? Gun confiscation?
You see, as the F-15s and nuclear weapons he continues to threaten to use against Americans that disagree with him start to fall apart thanks to the military’s decision to “enrich” itself with diversity rather than find and recruit America’s best and brightest, Biden has a tough decision to make. He can, on one hand, either back down and start behaving reasonably, no longer threatening to send fighter jets and nuclear bombs to turn Akron to ash if it decides that transing the kids might not be the best call. Or, on the other hand, he can try to seize the arms of patriots so that even decrepit military equipment can cow them.
Predictably, he chose the second path, the tyrannical one. “Give up telling people what to do? Why would I do that, Jack?” is what Biden supposedly asked when Mark Milley suggested that now might be a good time to calm things down and stop threatening nuclear war with half the country.
And so teams of police and FBI agents are readying to go door to door to seize weapons from those that Biden has decided are no bueno and not allowed to own firearms. Completely unsurprisingly, that list of people that can’t own guns is just a list of everyone in the country who didn’t vote for him.
Commenting on the confiscation concept during a meeting with his advisors, Biden apparently joked about “not having a thing to worry about” and said that “all those MAGA extremists will just roll on over and run away once they see how powerful we are.” He’s expected to give a speech on the subject with a blood red background again, though when that speech will occur is as yet unknown.
What we do know is that his staff, which is significantly less senile that Joe is, was not overly happy with the idea of the gun confiscation plan and expressed hesitance at the idea of effectively declaring war on half of the country, suggesting that “stopping and thinking” would be a better approach than just starting at some random zip code and starting to confiscate guns.
But Joe was undeterred. Eating an ice cream sundae while waving away their concerns, saying “what could go wrong, Jack?”
As if on cue, an explosion occurred outside the White House that sent Slow Joe and the rest of his team scurrying for cover. Upset at the new rules, Americans decided to brave the F-15s and start fighting back.