NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Things got crazy in Alaska and Canada over the weekend, with yet more Chinese spy balloons being shot down by US F-22 fighter jets after crossing into US and Canadian air space. The Biden Administration announced that in a statement about the president’s phone call with PM Trudeau, saying:
Earlier today, President Biden spoke with Prime Minister Trudeau on the unidentified, unmanned object in North American air space. The object was closely tracked and monitored by North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) over the last 24 hours and the President has been continually briefed by his national security team since the object was detected. Out of an abundance of caution and at the recommendation of their militaries, President Biden and Prime Minister Trudeau authorized it to be taken down. President Biden authorized US fighter aircraft assigned to NORAD to conduct the operation and a US F-22 shot down the object in Canadian territory in close coordination with Canadian authorities. The leaders discussed the importance of recovering the object in order to determine more details on its purpose or origin. President Biden and Prime Minister Trudeau commended NORAD’s and U.S. Northern Command’s strong and effective partnership and agreed to continue their close coordination to detect, track, and defend our airspace.
So what happened? Why was the “object” shot down so quickly this time after the last one was allowed to completely traverse the United States and take pictures of sensitive military sites? Because this one had dirt on Hillary Clinton.
Discussing that in a statement given before he got onto Marine Force One to depart for Delaware on Friday night, President Joe Biden said:
“Well look here, Jack! This is some serious stuff. That was no ordinary balloon. I know it looked neat and there were some very cool things about balloons we learned…like that they don’t only come from that place in the grocery store where the nice lady talks to you while your wife shops and then picks you up to go home and take a nap…but it had to be shot down! It was different Jack! How so? I know you’re asking, I know. And I’ll tell ya. It had dirt on Hillary Clinton. Was gonna say some nasty things about that wonderful woman. Couldn’t have that. No siree. Not here.”
Continuing, Biden went on to say what happened after Hillary found out the balloon could say nasty things about her, saying “Fortunately the Clintons had this nice guy at their foundation, the Clinton Foundation, that was able to solve the problem. He flew on up to Alaska, borrowed a plane, and made the balloon problem go away. Easy, just like that!”
By: Will Tanner. Follow me on Twitter @Will_Tanner_1