NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It’s apparently “World Recycling Day,” whatever that means. Team Biden and the fools composing it decided, for whatever reason, that the best way to celebrate the idiotic and entirely made up holiday would be with a statement given by President Biden about recycling.
That went entirely as could be expected, with Biden first mumbling near incoherently about social justice and recycling initiatives, which is absurd, and then went on to start rambling about how his son Beau, who died of brain cancer, died of “recycling injustice.” Beginning, Biden said:
On America Recycles Day, we recognize the critical role recycling plays in caring for our environment and addressing the existential threat of climate change. We honor the people, communities, and organizations that are working every day to recycle and responsibly steward our natural resources. We recommit to each doing our own part to secure a greener, cleaner, and more sustainable future for our communities, country, and planet.
Over a third of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions — and many of the toxins and pollutants that harm public health — come from the production and processing of materials that people use every day. That is why recycling and reducing waste as much as possible is so important. By recycling, we send less waste to landfills and reduce the need for raw materials, thereby saving energy and conserving valuable natural resources. Still, our country faces too many barriers to recycling.
Some Americans are unsure about which materials can be recycled, and municipalities struggle to establish connections with markets that can use their recycled materials. Many people, especially people of color and low-income Americans, have suffered disproportionately from the damaging effects of pollution, including landfilled, dumped, or incinerated waste.
To improve the way our Nation recycles, my Administration made the largest investment in recycling in nearly three decades through our Bipartisan Infrastructure Law. These funds have helped launch dozens of new initiatives, including projects to improve waste management, reduce harm in communities that have long faced environmental injustice, and increase public awareness and education about recycling.
That’s when Biden claimed that Beau died of recycling injustice. He claimed, “And look, Jack, I really care about this. Dr. Jill and I do. That’s a fact. Let me tell ya why. That’s…well…it’s because, umm, well, so Beau. My little baby boy. He, umm, he died of recycling injustice.”
“Yep. He did. It was…well he was in India. Or Myanmar. Or somewhere like that. And they had all this plastic and nonsense. There was a lot of it. Because we shipped it there to get it away from here! So they had these big mountains of bottles and things. And Beau was there to clean it up. He brought his wagon and shovel and encouraged people to help him! So he did so. But then it collapsed on him! A mountain of bottles. And he died. So that’s why I care. We gotta stop the recycling injustice. We gotta fight back!”