NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
If there’s one thing you can always guarantee, it’s that President Joe Biden will lie about the cause of death of his son Beau Biden, who tragically died young, to push whatever the current thing is. When the tragedy in Afghanistan, one of Team Biden’s own making, happened, Joe was out there claiming that Beau, a Navy veteran, died in the war on terror. When a bridge collapsed in Pennsylvania, Beau died of “failing and racist infrastructure.” When January 6th happened, Beau died “fighting off anti-democracy reactionaries.” Now, Beau had died of a mass shooting, apparently. (Beau actually died of cancer unconnected to his service in the Navy).
Biden made that claim about Beau and his death during a speech on the tragic shooting in Lewiston, Maine. Beginning, he did the usual Democrat thing and expressed sympathy for the victims before immediately moving to push gun control, saying:
Once again, our nation is in mourning after yet another senseless and tragic mass shooting. Today, Jill and I are praying for the Americans who’ve lost their lives, for those still in critical care, and for the families, survivors, and community members enduring shock and grief.
I also urge area residents to heed the warnings and guidance of local officials. Numerous Federal law enforcement personnel are on the scene and actively working with state and local partners. As I told Maine Governor Janet Mills, Senators Collins and King, and Congressman Golden last night, I have directed my administration to provide everything that is needed to support the people of Maine. We will continue to be there every step of the way. For countless Americans who have survived gun violence and been traumatized by it, a shooting such as this reopens deep and painful wounds. Far too many Americans have now had a family member killed or injured as a result of gun violence. That is not normal, and we cannot accept it.
While we have made progress on gun safety through the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act, the two dozen executive actions I’ve taken, and the establishment of the first-ever White House Office of Gun Violence Prevention, it’s simply not enough. Today, in the wake of yet another tragedy, I urge Republican lawmakers in Congress to fulfill their duty to protect the American people. Work with us to pass a bill banning assault weapons and high-capacity magazines, to enact universal background checks, to require safe storage of guns, and end immunity from liability for gun manufacturers. This is the very least we owe every American who will now bear the scars — physical and mental — of this latest attack.
That’s when he got to Beau. He said, “And look folks, I feel those scars I have that pai–…wait, no, I feel your scars and have your pain. Wait, no, I feel your pain and have those scars! That’s it. That’s because Beau died of a mass shooting. He did. Many don’t know that, particularly the MAGA lunatics. Beau died because they wouldn’t advance common sense gun reform and was killed by an armed and dangerous racist. Who else thinks it’s high time we have no more dead Beau Bidens and have some common sense gun reform instead?!”
The crowd was confused, particularly by Biden’s muddled attempt to talk about scars and pain, but cheered anyway, excited at the prospect of finally attacking the 2nd Amendment.