NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Sure as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, whenever Biden is presented with something which he finds tragic, he tries to be relatable by lying about the death of his son Beau. Beau, unlike Hunter, was not a crackhead nor kicked out of the Navy for using cocaine, so Biden tries using him to score sympathy points whenever he thinks of it, which is normally when something bad happens.
First, there was the Afghanistan withdrawal, an utter disaster of Biden’s own making, in which more than a dozen service members died. Beau apparently died in Afghanistan fighting alongside the Mujahadeen. Then there was inflation. Beau died of starvation under Jimmy Carter when food got too expensive, so Biden knows how bad inflation can be. Next came the Hawaii wildfires. Beau was apparently a firefighter that died of smoke inhalation while trying to save the redwoods in California. When the train derailed in East Palestine, Biden couldn’t be bothered to visit, but it did turn out that Beau died of poisoning from industrial chemicals, which is why Biden is so anti-pollution.
Now Beau died of “disabilities,” whatever that means, which Joe let the country know during a speech on discrimination and the Rehabilitation Act. Biden said:
Every American, especially those with disabilities, is worthy of dignity and our respect and should have access to every opportunity available in our country. Fifty years ago, our nation took a critical step toward realizing that promise with the enactment of the Rehabilitation Act. This landmark legislation is one of the most consequential civil rights laws in our history. It is responsible for banning discrimination on the basis of disability by federally funded entities through Section 504 of the law, and it paved the way for the Americans with Disabilities Act. As a Senator, I was proud to co-sponsor this legislation as one of my earliest acts in office.
Since then, I’ve remained steadfastly committed to ensuring that the one in four Americans who live with disabilities have a fair shot at achieving the American dream. I’ve signed an Executive Order advancing opportunities for people with disabilities in the Federal workforce, and my administration continues to help State and local governments, employers, and nonprofits tap Federal funds to hire more Americans with disabilities. However we have more work to do to build on the Rehabilitation Act’s foundation. Disabled Americans are still three times less likely to have a job – and they often earn less for doing the same work. Voting locations, transit, and public spaces are too often inaccessible. This is wrong, and it’s why my Administration is committed to equal access for all.
On the 50th anniversary of this legislation, we owe a debt of gratitude to the tireless advocacy of many people with disabilities and others for the passage of this law and the others that followed. My Administration will continue our efforts to break down barriers for all those who face discrimination.
Continuing, he added, “And lemme tell ya. This is the God’s honest truth. Beau died of disabilities. He did. My sweet little boy. And that’s why I’m going to fight harder than ever to ensure that we keep this around.” As could be expected, that led to a chorus of booing from the crowd.