NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
How’s Team Biden doing? Well, it angered the left wing of its party by siding with Israel over Palestine and Hamas, so now it’s trying to win them back before 2024 to stave off disaster, with it looking like step one of its doing so is banning free speech under the guise of combatting “hate speech.”
That came on World Freedom Day, and what’s more, it was announced during Biden’s World Freedom Day proclamation, which he began by saying:
Around the globe, we are seeing a revival of the forces of autocracy, which are once again demonstrating contempt for the rule of law, democratic freedom, and the truth itself. Russia’s ongoing aggression against Ukraine is another battle in the long struggle between liberty and authoritarianism, one that compels us to remember that the fight for democracy is perennial and that we must stand up for our values each and every day.
That is exactly what the United States is doing. Together with our partners and allies, the United States will continue to defend the fundamental freedoms and human rights entitled to every person around the world. We will continue working toward a future where women and girls can enjoy equal rights and equal participation in their societies; where Indigenous groups, people with disabilities, and racial, ethnic, and religious minorities do not have their potential stifled by systemic discrimination; and where LGBTQI+ people are not persecuted or targeted with violence because of who they are. We will continue to stand with people around the world striving for a brighter future in the face of autocratic attempts to forge a darker path. As we support democracy abroad, we are mindful that our own democracy is still at risk. My Administration is working tirelessly to show that democracies can deliver on the challenges that matter most in peoples’ lives, and I call on the American people to remain vigilant in the defense of our democratic values and institutions.
As we honor the hope felt around the world 34 years ago today when Berliners finally crossed from East to West and ushered in a new future, we remember that when we choose to stand together and recognize the common hopes that bind all humanity, we hold in our hands the power to bend the arc of history. Together, may we continue to live up to the promises we have made to ourselves, to the vulnerable, and to all those who will inherit the world we create. May we work side-by-side to bend the arc of history for the good of the world.
Continuing, he said, “And look, freedom means more than just low taxes or whatever. It also means being free from some terrible stuff, Jack, stuff like…umm, well, you know the thing. Things like hate speech, that’s what I meant. I mean, heck, Jack, we have a lot of stuff going on now and we just can’t be having that.”
“Freedom doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. That just ain’t what freedom means. Freedom means living in a way where people aren’t attacking you. And they can attack you with words, Jack. They can! What if those words are racist?”
“So, to fight for freedom, we have to fight hate speech. That even means we gotta fight hate speech, Jack. So I’m gonna do that. We’re gonna fight it. I tell ya what, that’s a promise. Got it?”