NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Asked about inflation during a Tuesday press conference, Biden first attempted to go with the typical “Putin price hike” line, saying:
“Well that’s the thing, Jack! It’s obvious where the root cause of inflation lies: in that country that Sarah Palin can see from her back porch!
“It ain’t my fault that gas prices are rising precipitously, that the US is out of baby formula, that food costs are skyrocketing, that the costs of every good from cars to houses has shot up higher than Hunter, no! Yes, I know that none of those problems existed under my predecessor, but they ain’t my fault, Jack, and I’m tired of hearing that they are!
“So yes, I do know the root cause of inflation: it’s Putin. Like Cornpop, he’s a bad dude that must be stopped before it’s too late, and I’m just the man to stop him!”
Though the speech was less full of meaningless rambling and drivel than a typical Biden speech, not to mention devoid the gibberish and half-thoughts that usually come along with any attempt he makes at forming a sentence, the journalists didn’t believe him.
Rather, they figured that he was lying and determined to hold him accountable, pressing him (much to his annoyance) on what the real cause of inflation was, hoping he would say it was “government spending” or something else that would lead to a salacious, click-worthy headline.
They sure got that. Biden, his stimulants fading fast, knew he needed to give an answer but couldn’t blame his much-loved spending packages, so he decided to try and dump the whole thing on Hunter, figuring that the public already disliked Hunter anyway.
So he did just that, saying:
“Fine, fine. It’s embarrassing to me so I didn’t want to tell you, but now I will.
“Here’s the thing: as many of you know, Hunter is a very talented artist. A painter! With the pictures and stuff. Very good. Brought in a lot of cash doing that, let me tell ya (chuckles).
“Well, he’s also a big spender. And not just on crack! On other stuff too, Jack!
“Since he made so much money what with his paintings and investments and such, he decided to spend a bit of it on baby formula for his baby momma out in Missouri or wherever, on spare parts for his new Tesla, on some extra gas in case he needs it, and on whatever else is currently in low supply or too expensive. It’s all Hunter’s fault, but he’s doing his best to fix it, that I assure you!”
The reporters, since all they wanted was a salacious headline, decided to just leave it there and roll with that, devoid of sense and logic as it might have been. Biden, feeling the stimulants wearing off, knew he was in no position to try to counter-attack, so he too let it go and the press conference ended with him wandering off stage as Psaki glared at him, furious that she’d now need to defend some other ridiculous statement of his.