NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
A Texas judge recently decided that a certain type of abortion pill can’t be sold because it isn’t safe. Predictably, the left freaked out, and so Biden posted an absurd press statement on Twitter, saying:
Today a single federal district judge in Texas ruled that a prescription medication that has been available for more than 22 years, approved by the FDA and used safely and effectively by millions of women here and around the world, should no longer be approved in the United States. The Court in this case has substituted its judgment for FDA, the expert agency that approves drugs. If this ruling were to stand, then there will be virtually no prescription, approved by the FDA, that would be safe from these kinds of political, ideological attacks.
The prescription medication in question in this case is used for medication abortion, and medication abortion accounts for over half the abortions in America. The lawsuit, and this ruling, is another unprecedented step in taking away basic freedoms from women and putting their health at risk. This does not just affect women in Texas – if it stands, it would prevent women in every state from accessing the medication, regardless of whether abortion is legal in a state. It is the next big step toward the national ban on abortion that Republican elected officials have vowed to make law in America.
My Administration will fight this ruling. The Department of Justice has already filed an appeal and will seek an immediate stay of the decision. But let’s be clear – the only way to stop those who are committed to taking away women’s rights and freedoms in every state is to elect a Congress who will pass a law restoring Roe versus Wade. Vice President Harris and I will continue to lead the fight to protect a woman’s right to an abortion, and to make her own decisions about her own health. That is our commitment.
But he didn’t end it there. He went on to describe himself as a “trans woman,” saying that “men have no right to speak about abortion,” but he does because he is “now a woman.” In his words:
“And hear me now: I am a woman. I am a trans woman. I am with you in this fight against sexism. I am with you in this fight for abortion. As a woman who was formerly a man, I know there’s no excuse for men mansplaining abortion issues to women, particularly women of color. But I am now a woman, so I fell prepared to speak my truth about this issue and boy does it get me mad! It’s time we women fight for our rights against these sexist men and teach them a lesson!”
His staff later said that they were “proud America’s first female president took such a strong, unrepentant stance on abortion.” Hillary and Kamala, both of whom thought they might be the first female president, were furious with the pronouncement, but refrained from commenting on it because they didn’t want to annoy or turn off the trans lobby.
