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Biden Claims Jesus Was Trans in Easter Statement

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    The White House just released two Easter Day statements, one of which was “meh” and the second of which was absolutely horrifying.

    In the first, Biden did the typical thing non-believers do when they want others to think they’re Christian and made some vague, general statements about Easter and Christ without adding anything to show that he really believes it or wants to convert others to the true faith. In the statement, he said:

    Jill and I join Christians around the world in celebrating Easter Sunday, a day of hope and joy, renewal and rebirth. It marks the end of Lent, a period of sacrifice and contemplation. And it commemorates Christ’s Resurrection, a powerful reminder of God’s love and the promise of redemption for us all.

    During Lent and especially on Good Friday, we held in our hearts all those who are suffering from threats of violence and persecution, grief and isolation, and illness, poverty, and other hardships.

    Today, we hold close the Easter message that nothing – not even death – can match the power of faith, hope, and love. And we remember Jesus’ sacrifice and recommit ourselves to love God with all our hearts and to love our neighbors as ourselves, embracing His call to treat one another with compassion.

    To all those gathering in churches and homes around the world today, happy Easter and may God bless and keep you.

    Well, someone in the White House must have seen that and decided it was far too Christian, as they then released a second statement. In the second one, they said:

    “What we meant to say in the first statement on Easter, but decided to move to its own statement because we know it’s so important, is that we know Jesus was, like many of America’s greatest citizens, a trans individual. President Biden reads the Holy Word daily and knows this to be true from his study of all scripture, including what is read by our beloved brothers, sisters, and non-binary spiritual siblings in the Jewish faith, Muslim faith, Hindu religion, and Buddhist faith, among all others, including atheism.

    “President Biden refuses, however, to support the Mormon faith because it is composed mainly of white people, and so seems racist to him.

    “In any case, we want to take this Easter to remember the incredible sacrifices made by trans individuals, particularly trans people of color, when they suffer at the hands of their oppressors. Whether that was Jesus, who was black and trans, killed by the racist and homophobic Romans, or the recent trans individual in Nashville who was killed for standing up to bigotry, Team Biden stands with trans people everywhere.”

    Biden also claimed that the Easter bunny was “gender non-binary” in a speech given to a confused crowd in the White House.

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