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Biden Demands Democrats Insert “Ice Cream Inflation Reduction” Provision to Inflation Reduction Act

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    According to an anonymous White House insider that spoke to us on the subject, things got crazy during the late night session in which the Democrats in both houses of the national legislature convinced President Biden to sign the “Inflation Reduction Act” despite his hesitance to sign a bill so unpopular with much of the country thanks to attacks on it pushed by much of the conservative-leaning media.

    Biden, questioning Schumer, apparently asked “Well how with this reduce inflation, Jack?” and Schumer had no answer, creating a tense situation until Biden accidentally fell asleep for a few minutes and woke up with a start after Schumer mumbled something, not wanting to admit he fell asleep and saying that Schumer’s answer had “convinced him it would work”.

    Schumer, relieved, relaxed a bit but then was drawn right back into a stammering explanation when Biden said “But here’s my bigger concern: I don’t see a thing in here that would combat price inflation in ice cream which, as you better know, is something that’s very important to me. I eat a lot of ice cream, Jack, and it’s just malarky that it costs as much as it does now!”

    While Schumer mumbled something about relief for dairy farmers, which confused Biden because, in his words “cows produce milk, not ice cream,” Pelosi jumped into action and saved the bill by coming up with a novel amendment to insert into it and appease Biden.

    “What if,” she said, “we use part of the proceeds from the money we’ll gain by auditing the middle class to pay for an ‘ice cream subsidy’ that reduces the price per gallon by a full dollar?”

    Biden said he wanted it reduced by $1.50 a gallon so that it only cost as much as it did “in the old days,” though which “old days” he was referring to was unclear.

    Pelosi pretended to consider the additional $0.50 subsidy for a minute while Schumer sat silently and Biden started eating a banana split ice cream sundae that Dr. Jill brought him, but then after a few moments of faux hesitation decided to agree to his demand and use the increased revenue to “bring ice cream back to the price it was in the old days.”

    Biden loved that and so pledged to sign the bill, but added the demand that he be brought an ice cream cone to eat while signing it so that Americans would know “how hard he fought to reduce the price of America’s favorite dessert.”

    Pelosi and Schumer agreed to that as well, vowing that he would have only the best ice cream in hand while signing the bill

    And so the disastrously bad bill got signed, though ice cream producers are quite happy with the subsidy and vowed to use it to reduce prices “as much as possible.”

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Facebook and Subscribe to My Email List

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