NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It’s not just the middle and lower classes that are hurting under the current Bidenflation regime, struggling to make paychecks that haven’t kept up with inflation match their rising costs and painfully large expenses.
In fact, even the President of the United States, El Sleepimissimmo Joe Biden, is hurting in the wallet thanks to the current inflation regime, struggling to keep up with the painful price increases the United States has seen under the nearly two years of his presidency, unable to pay even basic bills and handle Dr. Jill’s expensive hobby of turning old drapes and couch cushion material from before 1970 into ill-fitting and unflattering dresses.
That’s because he relies on the paychecks received by his son, Hunter Biden the crack addict and unregistered lobbyist extraordinaire, to meet those expenses that his presidential salary can’t cover.
In the past, that was no problem. Whenever he needed something or someone in the family had a big bill in need of paying, Hunter would jet of to Beijing Macau, or Shanghai and discuss “investment opportunities” with a number of “private businessmen” and in exchange receive whatever it was he needed, whether a ruby the size of a softball or a no-limit credit card with which he could pay those child support bills he’s been putting off for ages.
Now, however, he’s running into problems when he attempts to make that happen.
For one, Hunter is under more scrutiny, as are the Biden family’s finances more generally, which makes it harder to bring back a few million dollars in a dufflebag and just deposit them in the bank with a wink and a nod.
Beyond that, however, Biden is currently taking a harder stance with China out of political necessity, particularly on the semiconductor chip issue, so the Chinese are upset with him and unwilling to freely write checks or hand out bags full of diamonds like they used to.
And so, though the cash has kept flowing to some extent, the current checks are worth about 18% less than they used to be thanks to the cumulative effect of inflation and Biden is having trouble making ends meet.
According to our source within the White House, things got so tense in the White House on Tuesday morning after Jill let it slip that she’d spent $20,000 on new dresses for the “winter season” that Biden refused to eat the banana with his oatmeal that she told him too, keeping his jaw locked shut until Jill promised to return the dress to the store and replace it with a “more reasonably” priced one that could be paid for with the emerald that Xi Jinping gave Hunter on his last trip to China.