NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
According to an anonymous source within the Biden White House, a new controversy is splitting the administration down the middle, and it’s not one of policy or politics.
Rather, it’s one of what bed linen is used for not only the president’s bed, but all the other bed in the White House as well.
Apparently, the White House staff, not understanding the political issues at stake, decided to start using MyPillow Giza Cotton Dream Sheets for all the beds in the Executive Mansion, recognizing how superior the sheets are to anything else on the market. Speaking on that decision to our source, the head bedkeeper for the White House said:
“I mean, I guess Mike Lindell is controversial, but I don’t really keep up with all the drama. I just focus on my industry. And what I learned when Trump was here and introduced me to these fabulous bedsheets is that they are simply the best. I mean really, they’re the best on the market.
“From the thread count, which is beyond fantastic and makes it feel like you’re sleeping on the softest of clouds, to the marvelous cotton used for them…they’re just the best for comfort. Plus they’re easy to clean, don’t fall apart, and come in packs of two, which is great for keeping the steady rotation of bedsheets going. So we kept using them. I didn’t realize it was such an issue.”
Many of the White House staff, who retreat to the bedchambers and take naps when Biden takes his daily nap, agreed and were huge fans of the Giza Cotton Dream Sheets, with some even ordering sets for themselves and their apartments.
But then Biden, after a particularly good nap that lasted from 2pm to 7pm, asked his staff to find out what sheets were on the beds so that he could get them for all of his houses.
That’s when things started going badly, again according to source.
Having been asked about the sheets, the staffers responded that they were from MyPillow, at which point Biden went crazy, running through the mansion and ripping all of them off the beds, dragging them into a big pile in the middle of the Rose Garden, lighting them on fire with Hunter’s smoldering crackpipe.
That then started a conflagration that drew the attention of reporters, who captured some hilarious pictures of a screaming President Biden standing next to a burning pile of bedsheets as Jill and Kamala Harris try dragging him back inside and Hunter reaches into the fire to grab his crackpipe while the family’s dog, Major, bites at Biden’s heel.
Trump, posted on Truth Social after the event that “no one could beat Mike Lindell’s wonderful sheets” but that it was “sad to see such comfortable sheets go up in flames.”