NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
President Joe Biden recently gave a speech on inflation, claiming during the speech that he has beaten the scourge that has destroyed the finances of families across the country and wreaked havoc in industry and finance by devaluing the dollar.
As could be predicted, President Brandon claimed he was doing a great job, telling the gathered crowd of Democrats:
Everyone was telling us there is no possibility with the divided Congress — the way it was — that we could get it done. And you got it done without a single vote on the other team, although that began to change at the end. And all the special guests, state and local leaders, business leaders, entrepreneurs, advocates.mYou know, one year ago, with your leadership, I signed the Inflation Reduction Act into law and — one of the most significant laws I think has ever been enacted — taking on the special interests and winning — and winning.
Delivering — delivering on promises that have long been made to the American people to lower costs for families, especially healthcare costs, increase America’s energy security, restore fairness to a tax code, create good-paying jobs here in America, and to address the existential threat of climate crisis.
You know, it’s part of a much broader vision for our country: growing the economy from the middle out and the bottom up, not the top down. I’m a capitalist. I think if you can go make a billion dollars, go make it. I’m all for that. Just pay your taxes.
Then someone in the crowd was heard asking an administration official, “Are there really not any snacks here? Like no little sandwiches or anything? I had to skip lunch to make it hear because of my work schedule but I thought y’all would at least have some finger food out or whatever.”
The administration official was about to respond and point the man to the Wendy’s across the street, a Wendy’s busy taking down the “2 for $5” offers on its windows and replacing them with “1 for $5” offers, presumably because of inflation.
But then President Biden apparently heard what the issue was and leapt into action. “Heck no there is not finger food here,” the president boomed. “Do you know how expensive that stuff is now? Costs like $5 a tiny little sandwich and everyone stays hungry, eating like a dozen of them. We ain’t got that money any more, Jack. It’s time to economize. Inflation has made snacks and things way too expensive.”
Biden then returned to his speech about how successful his policies have been, saying, “Remember what the experts told us, okay? And they’re traditional economists, very smart women and men. They told us getting inflation under control, in order to do it, we had to lower wages and increase unemployment. Not a joke. Had to lower wages and increase unemployment. But we never, never, never thought the problem was too many people — I — at least, I didn’t — too many people that were working or that working people were making too much money. I just thought that was not the best answer to how to get it down.“