NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Biden kicked off his speech for his fiscal year 2024 budget with an odd fixation on the group “Moms Demand Action,” saying:
Hello, Philadelphia! Now, before I get going — hey, everybody. How are you? (Applause.)
“Moms Demand Action.” We’re going to get action.
Hey, you know, what? His mom is watching — Tina. Tina, I don’t know — I wish you were here. I could meet you. But they say — they speak of the — with a little bit of an accent in southern Delaware. Talk at you like this, you know what I mean? (Laughter.) You look at that (inaudible), you say, “You done good with that boy.” Congratulations, Mom. Congratulations. Thank you, Mom. (Applause.)
Please have a seat.
Well, you know, I don’t know whether you know this or not. Because of the previous President, Jimmy Wil- — I — Jimmy, you — Williams — the only reason I’m standing here is you guys — not a joke — and when I was running with Barack, we were having — when things were slowing up a little bit and I asked for help. And you guys got on a bus and got a bus, and you’re the reason why I’m standing here. I was Vice President then, and I’m President because of you guys. (Applause.)
Well, his whole staff was, according to an anonymous White House insider, hoping that he’d just move on from there and start talking about all the dollars earmarked for national security and transing the kids. That’s not what Biden did, however, though he did focus on kids.
Instead of highlighting all the leftie ideas in his budget, Biden started talking about sniffing kids, saying:
“Now lookie here, if you’re moms demanding action, then that means you have kids. I love kids, man. Used to shower with my daughter I loved her so much. Got it, Jack? But anyway, if you’re moms, then that means you have kids, right?
“Well I’d like to sniff em! Yup, I said it! I wanna sniff em real good. And if you have daughters, then lemme tell you what, Jack, that just means I’ll be sniffing em even harder.”
Biden’s staff then appeared on stage, told the audience he was confused because he “skipped lunch to work even harder for the American people,” and then tried to lead him off the stage.
He refused to leave, however. Instead, he kept yelling that because he was president, he should be able to sniff whoever he wants. He kept pointing at the “Moms Demand Action” group while he did so, creeping many of them out.
Biden was then finally lured off of the stage with the promise of oatmeal, much to the belated relief of his frustrated staff.