NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It’s no secret that America is running out of weapons to send to the Ukraine. Our ammunition stockpiles are running low as our artillery shell stockpiles are used up and our vehicle parks sit empty, with what used to fill the ammo cans, armories, and vehicle parks now dotting some field in Donetsk.
But we’re not out of everything. Even if the conventional weapons we spent decades building and trillions of dollars on are all but gone thanks to the regime’s generosity toward Ukraine, there’s one thing left in the arsenal that Biden has offered to send Zelensky if he so desires.
What is that weapon? Is it a nuclear bomb? Artillery shells full of chemical gas? Higher end and better armored M1A3 Abrams main battle tanks? Nope, it’s George Floyd.
You see, after Saint Floyd of Fentanyl’s passing in 2020, the Deep State agents within the government realized that they had a superweapon on their hands: with the death by fentanyl overdose of one amateur pornstar, they could cause billions of dollars in damage, hollow out once-beautiful shopping districts, set blocks of cities alight, and cause societal hatred that will last generations.
So, while they let Rev. Al Sharpton and Co. pretend to bury St. Floyd in a golden casket, the CIA apparatchiks in the Deep State spend billions of dollars cloning him. And, somewhat surprisingly given the ridiculousness of how they’ve gone about deposing Trump and attacking MAGA, they figured out how to make it work and somehow cloned George Floyd.
So how is this George Floyd superweapon supposed to work? Easy: they’ll send him to Ukraine, have a staged event in which Ukrainian troops dressed as Russians “kill” him while using racist slurs, and then broadcast the video around the world while claiming that “Putler is a racist meanie.” Given the idiocy of most people it’s bound to work.
Zelenksy apparently declined on receiving the George Floyd Superweapon for now, as he fears that any blowback unleashed on Russia by the weapon and faux killing of it would be twice as bad in his country given the number of woke Westerners that flocked to the country in “Reddit Brigades” when the Russians invaded.
Putin was, according to most reports sent to us by our security establishment sources, unfazed by the reports of America’s new superweapon. “American tanks worry me more,” he apparently told RT in an exclusive interview. “Those are at least real, even if our Kornet missiles destroy them. This George Floyd thing is idiotic and would just mean yet more pain for the Western world as protests would break out yet again in their countries. No one in Russia would care. So dumb.”