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Biden Pledges More Drag Queen Story Hours on Phone Call with Mississippi Governor

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    President Joe Biden recently spoke with the Governor of Mississippi, Tate Reeves, over the phone. The two discussed the damage inflicted upon Mississippi by recent inclement weather, namely highly destructive storms and tornadoes that ripped through the state, flinging cars and houses like children’s toys as winds whipped the survivors. The Biden White House said as much in its statement on the phone call, saying:

    Today, President Joseph R. Biden, Jr. held separate calls with Governor Tate Reeves, Senators Roger Wicker and Cindy Hyde-Smith, and Congressman Bennie Thompson of Mississippi, to express his condolences for the lives lost and the damage resulting from the tornadoes and extreme weather that impacted Mississippi overnight. The President asked what the people of Mississippi need and how he can be most supportive. The President expressed his commitment to delivering federal assistance as quickly as possible to impacted areas and to helping these communities recover from the impacts of these storms. The President also spoke with FEMA Administrator Deanne Criswell, who will travel to Mississippi tomorrow to ensure the fullest possible Federal response to those in need.

    But what was it that Biden really promised? Not emergency food supplies or water. Not housing and shelter nor financial assistance. Instead, President Biden pledged to send a plethora of drag queens to saturate the state’s schools and libraries with “Drag Queen Story Hour” activities.

    “Now listen here, Jack,” Biden supposedly said on the call. “What you really need is something to entertain the kids. Gotta keep their minds off the storms and the mean, orange man, Jack. So here’s what I’ll do: I’ll just have the military drum up a few hundred drag queens and we’ll send ’em to the state to read to the kids. No trouble at all.”

    Many conservatives were aghast at that, both at the idea that the military is full of hundreds of drag queens and that Biden was sending degenerates to read to kids. The National Review’s David French was all on board with the idea, however, saying:

    Yet the question of how (or whether) the right should respond legally to drag queens in libraries permeated much of the proceedings. My position was simple — I don’t like drag queen reading hours, but I also want to preserve for all Americans the First Amendment-protected right of viewpoint-neutral access to public facilities when those facilities are opened up for public use. I don’t want the government dispensing access on the basis of its preferred messages or its preferred speakers. Handle bad speech with better speech. Counter bad speakers in the marketplace of ideas, not through the heavy hand of government censorship.

    DeSantis, Pence, Haley, and the rest of the Establishment all got on board, saying that preserving drag queen story hour is crucial to preserving the republic. Trump, however, did his usual thing and bucked the regime trend, saying it was absurd and disgusting that Biden was “sending weirdos to prey on kids.”

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