Note: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
In a shocking turn of events that has left many a Democrat reeling, the concept of ‘due process’ has dared to rear its head in the legal proceedings against former President Donald Trump. Reports have surfaced from across the nation of Democrats in a state of utter disbelief that the legal system would have the audacity to grant Trump the same rights afforded to every American citizen.
“It’s outrageous,” exclaimed Joe Biden. “Since when do we allow facts and legal procedures to get in the way of a good old-fashioned public condemnation?”
The crux of their indignation lies in the audacious notion that Trump should be allowed to defend himself in court, rather than being promptly thrown into the dungeon based on the “Because I said so” statute that many believed was a cornerstone of American jurisprudence.
“We’ve tried reasoning with the legal system by reminding them of the ‘I just don’t like him’ clause, but to no avail,” lamented another lawmaker, who preferred to remain anonymous for fear of being granted due process themselves.
As the legal battles trudge on, Democrats nationwide are left grappling with the bewildering concept of due process, all the while holding out hope that the courts will eventually come to their senses and remember that justice is supposed to be swift, blind, and preferably in line with their personal opinions.