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Biden Says “We Gotta Abort More Babies to Keep Unemployment Down”

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Things got shocking during Brandon’s speech at the Reception for the Democratic National Committee, during which he started talking about abortion during his remarks on the state of the economy and ended up telling the crowd that women need to get more abortions to keep the unemployment rate down.

    He introduced the topic by bizarrely bringing up Roe v. Wade in the middle of his comments on the economy, saying:

    MAGA Republicans are trying to take us backwards.  But together, we’re not going to let them do it.  Not an inch back.  (Applause.)

    Instead, our agenda is going to continue to bring us forward and build on the progress we made — and we made.  And we must finish this job. 

    Look, let’s keep growing the economy in the middle — from the middle out and the bottom up.  Let’s protect — protect a woman’s right to choose and codify Roe v. Wade.  (Applause.)  Let’s protect our children from gun violence by continuing to work to eliminate assault weapons.  And let’s keep lowering the prescription drug cost not just for those on Medicare, but for all Americans — for all Americans.  (Applause.)

    Folks, we got to continue to protect Social Security and Medicare — something people have paid into their whole life, provide for su- — such solace for so many Americans. 

    You know, we’ve gotten a lot done, but there’s so much more to do. And with your help, I know we can do it. I really do. Just like we did in 2020.

    Then, someone in the crowd shouted out, “what do we still need to do, Mr. President?!”

    Responding, Biden said that now is the time to convince women to get more abortions so that they can stay employed and “keep the GDP up and the unemployment rate down.” In his words:

    “Look, Jack, what we’ve really gotta do is we gotta abort more babies to keep unemployment down. Just think about it…lots of women have babies when they should be making excel documents and powerpoints in the office! All that GDP that could have been…you know, the thing. But instead they’re at home reading to a baby! What a waste, Jack, so much GDP missed out on. We gotta fix that. We gotta abort more babies to keep the GDP up and unemployment rate down, that’s for sure.”

    In addition to being sickening and evil, Biden’s comment about the unemployment rate was pure nonsense. For one, unemployment is calculated by looking at how many people are looking for work and can’t find it, not based on how many people aren’t working. So a mother dropping out of the workforce to take care of her kid would not be “unemployed” but rather out of the workforce. Further, many women have kids and then go back to work, so even if their dropping out of the workforce mattered for the unemployment rate, that would be corrected by their later going back to work. And, finally and most importantly, having and raising kids is far more important than the GDP number or unemployment rate.

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