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Biden to Spend Social Security Dollars on Funding Ukrainian Pensions

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    President Joe Biden recently announced that the United States would be funding the Ukrainian pension system, as if supporting the lifestyles of Ukraine’s elderly is in any way a United States national security interest. Announcing that to the applause of the Clintons, Hunter Biden, and 27 individuals who have paid Hunter Biden for lobbying services, Biden said:

    under deliver much needed humanitarian assistance as well as food, water, medicine, shelter, and other aid to Ukrainians displaced by Russians war and provide aid for those seeking refuge in other countries from Ukraine is also going to help schools and hospitals open. It’s going to allow pensions and social support to be paid to the Ukrainian people so they have something something in their pocket. It’s also going to provide critical resources to address food shortages around the globe.

    Watch that here:

    And how is he gonna pay for it? What American budget item will be cut or debt will be raised to pay for this?

    According to a White House insider, the money is coming from the Social Security system. That individual, speaking on a condition of anonymity, said:

    “Yeah, so Biden decided that the Ukrainian pension system just has to be supported. Why? Who knows. Someone told him that democracy would die if he didn’t do it…we think it was Hunter that told him that to be honest, and so he’s gone all in on stirring up support for US backing of Ukrainian pensions.

    “Problem is, we’ve already hit the debt ceiling…so we’re out of money. That means we don’t have anything to send them and can’t fund it with yet more debt-fueled spending. But it can be stolen from elsewhere, which es exactly what Biden did.

    “Looking at the budget and the line items on it, he saw that a huge number of resources get funneled into the Social Security furnace and thought that it seemed ripe for the plucking. So he ordered a bunch of his goons to divert money from the Social Security coffers into a fund from which it would be sent to the Ukrainian pension system.

    “And the whole scheme is just absurd. I mean, we don’t even think that most of the people that are supposedly on the pension system are real. It’s just another opportunity for graft that the Ukrainians are taking advantage of while they still have time. A bunch of the people we suspect are pocketing the money are already making plans to flee to islands in the Caribbean and South America…so it’s a mess, and, as normal, the middle class is gonna be hit hard by it. While I don’t know the full amount stolen from Social Security to pay for it, rumors around the West Wing are that it was half of the already depleted fund.”

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