NOTE: The following article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Joe Biden was in hot water yet again on Tuesday after he made what many described as a “less than tactful” comment when asked by an Axios reporter and a CNN business reporter if he had any comment on the recent stock market plummet.
Swiveling toward the duo while walking away from the White House and toward the waiting helicopter, spinning up on the White House grounds as it waited to lift him to Camp David for a nice change in nap locations, Biden said:
“Stock market crash? Hell, Jack, only rubes still put their investment money in American companies! I mean, what the heck, you think those jokers over at Target and dog faced pony soldiers at Lockheed are gonna make you a quick buck?
“What a joke. That’s not how you win the financial game, nowadays. Now I’ll let you in on a little secret–” the president then transitioned to his creepy whisper voice before continuing, saying “now my Red Chinese investments are doing fine. Those Oriental fellows know how to treat an investment right and I’ve made quite the pretty penny by investing in that great nation’s future. Hunter set me up with just the right investments.”
It was hard to tell because he was wearing sunglasses, but it looked like he winked after noting Hunter’s involvement in his financial situation.
Asking Biden what he meant, particularly given the massive losses that American and other Western investors suffered with the collapse of Evergrande, the Chinese real estate giant, Biden got snappy:
“Now hell, you think I’m dumb enough to invest in crap like that? Heck no! Hunter’s no chump, even when he’s on crack. No, I did it right, nothing public like that for the Big Guy, just smart investments in the right companies!”
Hearing him talk about China and his finances, Biden’s handlers finally rushed over and escorted him away, stopping him from saying anything more about what he’s invested in and how he got access to behind the curtain deals in the Middle Kingdom.
Jen Psaki, giving one of her last press conferences for the Biden regime, defended what the president said when asked about his comments by Peter Doocy. Speaking on Biden’s investing comments, she said:
“Well, Peter, the president was just trying to solve the retirement savings crisis by encouraging Americans to save smarter and be more thoughtful about what companies they invest in and why. Were they as smart with their investment dollars as he is, perhaps the Social Security burden could be lessened. So yes, we in the administration do stand behind Biden’s call to invest in foreign equities.”
She declined to say how Americans should go about getting access to special deals with PLA-affiliated companies and if Hunter would be offering his deal-structuring advice to everyone, or only members of the Biden family.