NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
How are things going over at the much disliked and much mocked Biden Administration? Weirdly, now that some hapless staffer has informed the president that the price of ice cream, particularly his no frills favorite–vanilla–has been increasing precipitously thanks to the Bidenflation crisis.
In fact, things got so weird and heated after Biden was told that unfortunate fact about the price of ice creaming that he went on an absolute tear about the inflation crisis, surprisingly blaming everyone, even himself.
Responding to the intern or staffer with anger, Biden even went so far as to call himself a “dog-faced pony soldier” (though it wasn’t clear that Slow Joe, who has taken to calling himself “Joey” understood that he was “Biden” when reading the news report about ice cream inflation).
Then, kicking things even further into high gear, Joe lost his cool and snatched his phone off the desk, logging into Twitter and pausing only to complete the two step verification process, something that took him a minute to figure out and required the staffer getting involved in showing him how to enter the required passcode and number.
That done, Biden went on ferociously angry tweet spree, saying:
“What the hell is up with this Biden guy? Under the orange man that made that funny joke about Rosie O’Donnell and Mika from that boring talk show, ice cream was dirt cheap! And I mean dirt cheap, Jack; I had to buy dirt for my house and ice cream was cheaper!
“Now that this senile moron named Brandon or Biden or whatever is running things, the staff here are telling me it’s too expensive for me to have my two scoops of heaven with oatmeal in the morning!
“That’s BS and I’m sick and tired of it. I don’t know who this Biden guy is or why he’s destroying the country, but it’s turning into a big pain for me so I’ll use my powers as President Joe from Scranton to deal with it, you mark my words!”
It was a shockingly non-senile statement from Joe and, with the constant remarks about “that Biden guy,” people thought it was a joke or a hacked account, and pressed Joe to prove that he was actually tweeting those things.
He did so near immediately, posting a picture of himself grimacing while standing by his desk with a newspaper showing the day’s date, his phone, and an empty ice cream bowl.
It was only then that a furious “Dr.” Jill Biden rushed into the Oval Office and demanded he hand over his phone, screeching at the staffer for letting him humiliate himself online. Joe, confused as to why “the mean lady” was yelling after he’d shown such firmness online, wandered off, hoping to find some ice cream that had been left unattended.