NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
President Joe Biden thought he was pulling a fast one on Elon Musk with the creation of the Disinformation Governance Board.
Well, he might not have; according to our anonymous White House source he was busy looking for ice cream the day it was announced and ended up accidentally eating a jar of mayo and some raisins.
But, Team Biden generally, according to that source, was pretty happy with their idea, thinking that they’d found a way to make Elon’s purchase a waste of money: who cares who owns Twitter if the feds are demanding that certain things be censored?
Unfortunately for them, things didn’t work out as expected. That’s because Nina, aka “Moaning Myrtle,” was chosen to run the organization instead of a savvy, smart, or otherwise talented political operative. Apparently, Slow Joe, waking up from a post-oatmeal and Matlock nap, heard Mayorkas, Hunter, and Psaki discussing the plan and wanted to contribute, so he just pointed at some random hack and said that she’d be in charge to assert his authority before taking another nap. They went along with it, so now Nina’s in charge.
It was a poor choice on Joe’s part, as Nina has spread some “disinformation” of her own before, spreading the lie that the Hunter Biden laptop was a Russian hoax:
Back on the "laptop from hell," apparently- Biden notes 50 former natsec officials and 5 former CIA heads that believe the laptop is a Russian influence op.
Trump says "Russia, Russia, Russia."
— Nina Jankowicz 🇺🇦🇺🇸 (@wiczipedia) October 23, 2020
Oh, and she went on a tear about how mean memes are:
Today we release “Malign Creativity: How Gender, Sex, and Lies are Weaponized Against Women Online.”
Yes, we're breaking glass ceilings, but our study shows how far we have to go before women have a truly equal voice, online or off.https://t.co/joz6EyX0vH
Top lines follow:
— Nina Jankowicz 🇺🇦🇺🇸 (@wiczipedia) January 25, 2021
She must be fun to hang out with. I know who won’t be added to the friend chat.
Regardless, Moaning Myrtle’s first action as censorship czar, as a result of the lies she spread about the Hunter Biden laptop, was to censor herself.
As of Monday evening, her Twitter and Facebook accounts had reportedly been disabled by the NSA, with flashing signals of “WARNING: DISINFORMATION SPREADER” popping up if one tries clicking on her profile in the hope of finding more weird videos of her singing erotic Harry Potter songs.
The anonymous White House source, speaking about how that went down in the White House, said:
“Yeah, well, her whole appointment caused a bit of a split. Hunter, who’s been crashing in a guest room, is a big fan of her because she lied about his laptop, which he took to be her flirting with him. She’s totally uninterested but, well, Hunter can’t take the hint.
“Meanwhile, all the other usual suspects were against her appointment because she’s so terrible.
“Joe wouldn’t back down because he was worried, in one of his few non-senile moments, that his authority has been slipping and that he needs to stay strong to maintain it.
“So a compromise was struck. The NSA thing had to happen to Nina’s accounts so that it can be used against anyone with “#maga” in their bio in the future and then everyone would shut up about her appointment. So far that’s worked for keeping a lid on things, but the balance of power could shift once Hunter either sobers up and loses interest or realizes that she’s uninterested.”
Time will tell, but now might be the time to change your Twitter bio to avoid the NSA attack.