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Bigfoot Spotted in “FJB” Shirt, Caught Stealing and Trashing Biden Lawn Signs

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    A recent Bigfoot sighting has taken the internet by storm, with this one appearing more real than ever thanks to the apparel Bigfoot is wearing in the typically grainy footage.

    Based on the nearly 1 minute long video posted to Twitter and Facebook by noted Bigfoot researcher Dr. Trevor Bavis, it appears that Bigfoot is now sporting an “FJB” t-shirt that includes a picture of President Joe Biden staring off into the distance with his mouth wide open.

    Commenting on the shocking video in a follow-up Twitter thread, Dr. Bavis said:

    Three days ago I was sent this security camera footage of Bigfoot walking around in the Pacific Northwest, darting between trees and eating what appears to be beef jerky. He’s also, as many viewers noted, wearing one of the now-ubiquitous  “FJB” t-shirts. Assuming he didn’t just grab some random shirt, that would mean that Bigfoot is not a fan of President Joe Biden.

    “Though we’re not sure what might have convinced Bigfoot to get involved in politics, we think the impetus might have to do with that snack bag he is holding in the video. 

    “You see, beef jerky prices have been skyrocketing, particularly in the Pacific Northwest, where anti-beef legislators have passed a hefty tax on beef products. When combined with the price increases we have seen under the Biden Administration, that makes it both highly expensive and harder to find, as no stores want to carry it and have to deal with the sky-high tax.

    “So, with beef jerky being his favorite snack and it getting harder to find in part thanks to Biden, we think Bigfoot is voicing his displeasure with the current administration by wearing one of the shirts.

    “Further, that would make sense in light of the other video I was sent from the same general region, one I have not been able to verify yet, that shows what appears to be the same FJB shirt-clad Bigfoot grabbing Biden lawn signs and smashing them while also scratching up and urinating on cars with Biden stickers on them, most of which are Subarus and Priuses.

    “Assuming the footage is not fake, which my analysis posted on YouTube should help show, it appears that Bigfoot is now anti-Democrat, a major change for a creature that has formerly been uninvolved in the political process.”

    President Biden, when asked to comment on the footage while walking from Marine Force One to the White House, made a surprisingly funny comment, joking that only a “creature that lives in the woods and is so dumb it can’t speak” would be against him and that all people “smart enough to speak” were Biden voters. He added that he and Bigfoot could unite over their shared love of beef jerky, at which point CNN started accosting him and asking about his stance on the methane released from cow farts.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of Follow me on Facebook and Subscribe to My Email List

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