NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab have been meeting for years, discussing plans to start replacing traditional foodstuffs with cricket-based products.
Wheat-based flour? They want to replace it with cricket flour. Like eating eggs? They want to replace it with a bug-based “egg-like product”. Want to sip a nice glass of bourbon? Hope you like fermented cockroach wine, as that’s what they’re planning on selling you.
But among all the possible bug-based alternatives, the “Holy Grail”, so to speak, is a bug-based beef replacement. Scared that methane from cow farts is destroying the environment, finding it abhorrent that people would prefer to kill a cow and eat a ribeye than chow down on some mosquito mash or soy chunks, Bill Gates and people like him are doing whatever they can to replace beef with bugs and plants.
Problem is, no one other than a few weirdos are interested. Despite being offered crickets, cicadas, soy, and mealworms as “substitutes” for beef, everyone with a brain just ignores those and picks up a package of ground beef or, if it’s a special occasion, some succulent ribeyes or New York strips.
And so Klaus and Bill kept advertising the bugs, at first at least. Billions of dollars went into everything from such tasty-sounding products as “Mashed Mosquitos”, “Super Soy Slushies”, “Cockroach Cookie Crumble”, and “Mealworm Meat Alternative Product”, yet no one bought them.
In fact, every store that ordered an initial batch of those products and attempted to sell them is still near 100% inventory, as only a few packages have been bought as gag gifts. Luckily for the stores, the products are so packed with preservatives that they’ll last until 2035.
But waiting isn’t good enough for Bill Gates. And so he’s taking more “direct action”, using his wealth not to compete with beef and advertise his bugs but to make it near-impossible to buy up cattle ranches and make beef near-impossible for Americans to buy.
Since deciding to do that, Bill Gates has bought up an astounding $7 billion worth of pastureland and beef operations, shutting all of them down completely to keep beef off of the market and force people to “eat ze bugs” as Klaus the Commie might say.
Fortunately for American consumers, however, the Argentinians and Brazilians have proven somewhat more resistant than the Americans to selling off their land to a sketchy billionaire. As both are big beef producers, that means that there are still functional cattle operations out there and so, even if Bill Gates is cutting off the American supply of beef, there is still some on the markets that Americans can buy instead of the preservative packed fake food that Bill Gates and his globalist cronies are pushing.