NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Brandon decided to use the Democrat’s retained majority in the Senate to make January 6th a “national day of mourning”. Wearing a veil and standing in front of a flag at half mast when making the announcement about the day, Biden said:
“Now listen up, folks. This is important. Super important. January 6th was one of the worst days in the history of the Republic, if not the worst. Sure, Pearl Harbor was bad. We shoulda taught them Japs a lesson before then, but we didn’t and so they attacked us. Gettysburg was bad too. The slave holders did a lot of damage to our democracy on that day, but we beat them back. But January 6th…now that was an evil, awful day. Frankly, I don’t see how America could recover. It was just too terrible. Way too bad, Jack. Way too bad. And heck, many of those nasty folks haven’t even been held accountable! Can ya believe that?! I sure as heck can’t.
“So we gotta do something to remember it and make sure everyone for all time knows how awful that was. It was real bad and America needs to know it! So we gotta have a national day of mourning. I know, I know. That sounds partisan because it’s the Republicans that tried to overthrow our democracy and that’s what we’ll be remembering. But it’s not! Not at all. In fact, my dear friends Mitch McConnell and Kevin McCarthy are here to show their support and that this is a bipartisan measure designed to strengthen and defend our democracy.”
Both GOP “leaders” waved to the crowd and then went back to standing in the background, doing their best to appear hidden in the shadow of the stage.
But they were seen and the Online Right ripped into them, mocking both men as being weak and ineffective losers that would do anything the DC Establishment wants in order to keep their spot on the DC cocktail party circuit.
McConnell, defending himself from those attacks later, said that he was supporting the measure because though it “might harm GOP interests in the short term,” it would “help in the long term” because it would “show the Grand Old Party’s commitment to ‘our democracy,’ one that it has stood by and fought for ever since Lincoln led the nice people in a fight against the racists in the South to defend the country’s vibrant, multicultural democracy.”
Trump blasted McConnell on Truth Social after those comments, saying “Have you ever seen someone so WEAK and INEFFECTIVE as ‘Cocaine Mitch’ McConnell, a very nasty and low energy guy. Just like Jeb! Sorry, America.”