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BREAKING: Audit of Ukraine Aid Finds $20 Million Ended Up in Hunter’s Pocket

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    War is a racket and the elites know how to cash in, as shown by the Ukraine conflict. Over $100 billion in aid has flown into the Eastern European kleptocracy with little oversight or administration, with predictable results. Troops at the frontline sit in muddy, freezing trenches and shell-scarred hovels with Soviet-era weapons as politicians and connected officers spend money like there’s no tomorrow in Kiev or flee for Caribbean islands with Swiss bank accounts so full of pilfered money that they’d make a Middle Eastern dictator blush.

    And so MTG recently demanded a full audit of Ukraine aid, telling Tucker Carlson that she is introducing a resolution that is “going to force Congress to give the American people an audit. And that is exactly what the American people need, an audit of Ukraine, because we have no idea where all this money’s going.

    Surprisingly, the bill passed the House and Senate and Biden, tricked by the title of the resolution, “Tracking Down and Punishing Cornpop”, signed it. The machinery of an audit then went into effect and what it found was shocking, if not particularly surprising.

    According to the audit, of the $100 billion in cash and arms that made it to Ukraine, only 12% of the arms made it to the frontline and less than 3% of the cash was used for its intended purpose. The rest was pilfered by Ukrainian officials or made its way back to the United States and into the bank accounts of US politicians.

    In fact, the audit showed that nearly $20 million ended up in Hunter Biden’s bank account. That massive sum was paid to him by Burisma, his former employer. It was sent as a “thank you,” as he is supposedly the one who convinced Joe to send a “volunteer battalion” of former US Army Rangers to defend Burisma natural gas facilities in the embattled country. 24 of those “volunteers” have been killed so far, a fact used by the hawks to push for war with the Russians.

    Biden decried the audit in a recent statement, saying that it was “racist” and meant to “empower Putin,” who it framed as “literally Hitler.”

    Tucker drew attention to the waste of money in his program, saying

    “let’s pretend we’d only spent 100 billion in Ukraine so far. We know we have. What can we do with $100 billion here in the United States. For one thing, and this is kind of in the news recently, we could modernize our rail system to avoid the thousand derailments we have every year and the mushroom clouds over Ohio that sometimes result from them. $100 billion is more than five times the entire discretionary budget of the Department of Transportation. There’s just 13 billion in the DOT’s budget for transit and less than $3 billion for Amtrak. Remember that? The artery that connects the cities on the East Coast. Then there’s the FAA. That’s the government agency that sought to prevent planes from crashing into each other and killing hundreds of Americans.

    “The FAA got $20 billion in the last budget. $20 billion! So given that planes seem to be coming very close to hitting each other lately, it might be worth funding the FAA a little more. Oh, but no Zelenskyy’s political party needs it.”

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