NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Following up on his decision to start charging $8 a month for Twitter verification and making it more widely available to the general public rather than just very high-profile people and regime media toadies, Twitter’s new owner, Elon Musk, decided that moving forward those who put “they/them” in their Twitter bio will be charged $16 a month rather than $8 a month for verification.
Defending the move in a Twitter thread full of memes, mostly of the dogecoin dog demanding $16 in dogecoin from Bruce Jenner and Admiral Levine, Elon said:
“Look, so we’re just trying to be fair to everyone. This isn’t a hatred thing, which is what those goobers over at CNN like Brian Stelter will tell you.
“Edit: Well, not Brian. Forgot Mr. Potatohead was fired, though I would have fired him too. Need to add an edit button to Twitter! Coming soon!
“Anyway, like I was saying, we’re trying to be fair to everyone involved with pricing, which is why it’ll be adjusted across countries for purchasing power parity.
“That means that if someone is claiming to be a he or she, or any other INDIVIDUAL or INDIVIDUAL Organization, then they should just pay the adjusted $8. Simple. That’s the cost per person, whatever you identify as.
“But if you identify as MULTIPLE PEOPLE, then you should have to pay the cost for MULTIPLE PEOPLE. It’s simple. He/She/It accounts will just have to pay the adjusted $8. But you’re a “they,” then technically you’re claiming to be multiple people and need to pay for that.
“I’d charge you for two seats or more on a SpaceX flight if you claimed to be multiple people, so you should have to pay the same for verification.”
Predictably, the perpetually outraged left lost its mind over the idea. From CNN’s Don Lemon to the White House Press Secretary, Karine Jean-Pierre, they freaked out over the idea that people were “being treated differently on the basis of their identifying as a “they” rather than “he, she, or it”, with many of the blue check leftie accounts tweeting the same graphic saying “I stand with them.”
Elon, replying to all those blue checks that tweeted the image, said “Fine. But pay $8 for your checkmark.” He did tell one “they” tweeting the graphic to “pay $16 for your checkmark,” which sent the already angry left into a new spiral of anti-Elon hatred.
President Biden fumbled in his response to the controversy, saying that he’d make sure the “rights of all those weirdos” were respected on “that app with all the mean people like Cornpop, who’s a bad dude.”