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BREAKING: Fauci Dies of Heart Attack During Live Stream on Vaccine Being Safe and Effective

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Things got super awkward for the public health bureaucracy when, on Saturday, NIH head Tony Fauci croaked from a heart attack during the middle of a live stream about the vaccine he pushed being “safe and effective.”

    That came about two hours into the video in which Fauci was presenting the pro-vaccine “evidence,” evidence that consisted almost solely of his opinions. Speaking on the jab, Fauci was doing his usual routine and said, speaking on the vaccines:

    “All three of them are really quite good, and people should take the one that’s most available to them. If you go to a place and you have J&J, and that’s the one that’s available now, I would take it. I personally would do the same thing. I think people need to get vaccinated as quickly and as expeditiously as possible.”

    He then said that the pandemic isn’t yet over, saying “I could say… as a public health person, as a scientist, it will end. We will get through this for absolutely certain. We’ve already suffered through a lot of pain—a lot of economic and personal pain and inconvenience. But it will end. It will end because the public health efforts will succeed ultimately. And science will get us through this. We will get a vaccine. We will get therapies for early disease and for late disease. So the only message that I think we can jointly tell the American public and the global public is that we will get through this. Hang in there. It will end, we promise you.”

    Continuing, he added “We don’t want to continue to prevent people from doing what they want to do. But let’s get down to a good level. Let’s get many, many more people vaccinated. And then you could pull back on those types of public health measures. But right now, as we’re going down and plateauing is not the time to declare victory because we’re not victorious yet.

    He then added that there is no evidence that the jab is anything other than “totally safe and effective,” saying “now there’s really no reason not to get the vaccine and at least 26 different booster shots. You need all of those to stay safe from the deadliest and most dangerous virus the world has ever seen. So do what I do and get a new booster every other week or so to make sure that you stay healthy.”

    He then seized up, started coughing, and fell off of his chair and onto the ground, where he writhed in pain while clutching at his throat and wheezing. He then died and stopped moving.

    The feed was cut shortly afterward and NIH announced in a press statement that Dr. Fauci had “died suddenly” from “an enlarged heart and complications related to it” but that his enlarged heart was “genetic and had nothing to do with the vaccine or any other medicine he has taken.

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