NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Former President Donald J. Trump is back on Twitter, with Elon letting him on after the conclusion of a “yuge” Twitter poll in which 13 million people voted about whether the former president should be allowed back on the flaming dumpster fire of an app or not. Because it was a Twitter poll rather than an American election, there was no last minute dump of mail in votes, and so Trump won handily with 54 percent of the vote.
Elon duly instructed the censors (two such people remain employed by Twitter and 7500 have been fired or quit over the past week) to let Trump back on and they, knowing that Elon would fire them and finish off the department if they did not abide by his wishes, did so immediately and without hesitation.
Trump, who had been waiting by his phone with a Diet Coke ready, a list of enemies to attack, and full McDonald’s meal sitting in his stomach and giving him energy, logged on immediately after seeing the tweet from Elon announcing he was back on the platform.
As many within his inner circle predicted, his first tweet was a humorous one, targeting not a Democrat, or even one of his current RINO enemies, but rather an old sparring partner that he knows how to beat up on and his base loves watching him decimate: Jeb! Bush, brother of the worst Republican president and failed 2016 presidential candidate.
Less than one minute after being let back on the app Trump’s first tweet was already out, saying “Little loser Jeb! Bush, a very low energy guy, has been on here for a year and a half while I’ve been kicked off. Yet somehow it still seems like he has even less energy than my suspended account. SAD! No wonder he had to ask people to clap.”
The “ask people to clap” joke is a reference to when Jeb! Bush, during a campaign rally, had to ask the attending crowd to clap for him at a certain point during his speech. A collection of teens then left, saying that they were supposed to have been paid to be there but had not received the agreed upon amount. It was a sad moment for a very sad campaign.
Jeb! Bush declined to respond on Twitter, with a source within his inner circle saying he feared being humiliated by Trump again and was sure the former president would move on and target someone else if he didn’t fight back. That proved correct, as Trump soon moved on to mocking Pelosi’s husband for being beaten up after not paying a gay prostitute, David DePape.