NOTE: the following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
It was a normal day for Biden and the Biden Administration, which is to say an absolute disaster, when Biden spoke about the unresolved conflict between the Big Three automakers and the UAW, or United Auto Workers, and ended up rambling about how the end of auto production would be good for the environment.
Beginning, Biden did his usual sort of ramble about nothing, telling the bored crowd:
I’d like to say a few words about the contract negotiations between the United Auto Workers and the Big 3 auto companies. You know, I’ve been in touch with both parties over — since this began over the last few weeks. And over the last — the past decade, auto companies have seen record profits, including the last few years, because of the extraordinary skill and sacrifices of the UAW workers. But those record profits have not been shared fairly, in my view, with those workers.
Just as the Treasury Department has released a report, pointing out that — the most comprehensive report ever, dealing with how unions are good for both union workers and non-union workers t- — and the overall economy. Unions raise workers’ wages, they said — incomes — increase homeownership; increase retirement savings; increase access to critical benefits, like sick leave and childcare; and reduce inequality — all of which strengthen our economy for all workers.
That’s because unions — unions raise standards across their workplaces and entire industries, pushing up wages and strengthening benefits for everyone. And that’s why strong unions are critical to growing the economy and growing it from the middle out, the bottom up, not the top down. That’s especially true as we transition to a clean energy future, which we’re in the process of doing. I believe that transition should be fair and a win-win — (clears throat) — excuse me — (clears throat) — for auto workers and auto companies.
Then, not content with having bored them, he outraged them, saying, “And look here, because this is important, Jack. I have heard a lot of things about this strike. Lots of em. And what I am hearing is that a strike is gonna shut down production of cars by like 50%. And that’s a fact.”
“So, what should we do? Should the government get involved? Heck no, Jack. Lemme tell you why. I’ll tell ya, it’s because cars are bad for the environment. They’re putting the bad chemical in the air. The real bad one. The things with the, uhhh, like carbon or whatever it is. Cars are bad for the environment, man.”
“We don’t need more cars, not at all. We need fewer. We need less pollution, less craziness that is making people sick. So, heck, I hope this strike never resolves! That would mean, ummm, well less profits, which is, you know, less in taxes, but also lots of good stuff for the environment! And that is important, Jack, got it?”