Skip to content

CIA Releases Report Suggesting that Biden’s Bike Was Made in Russia, “KGB Asset”

    shutterstock 2017536635.putin
    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satirical, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    The CIA has again waded into the American political scene in a desperate attempt to make Biden and his leftist allies look better, this time using what remaining credibility it has to try and convince the most gullible Americans that Biden fell over when on his bike not because he’s senile and clumsy but because his bike was a KGB plant meant to make him look bad. Yes, that’s really the line they are pushing now.

    News on that came from the director of the CIA himself, with Director Burris sending out this brief, incredibly biased statement late in the day on Sunday:

    My fellow Americans, it is with a heavy heart that I inform you that many of you, particularly on the right, fell for yet another Russian hoax and have been saying very unfair things about our beloved, physically and mentally strong president, things that will have to be sorted out and corrected if we are to defeat Russian propaganda and survive.

    “That bit of Russian propaganda, that Russian hoax,  is that Biden is too weak to ride a bicycle and thus fell off of his bike when trying to roll to a stop and talk to his fellow Americans while at the beach. 

    “Based on a very unfair and very misleading video, it looks like a doddering Biden fell sideways when trying to stop because he’s too senile to do anything correctly, even ride a bike.

    “That’s not what we believe really happened. Based on an initial interview with the Biden family, a thorough examination of the bicycle, and in-depth analysis of all the videos available, we believe that the bike was a KGB asset, or plant, meant to make Biden look bad.

    “Now, before you start snickering, we’re not saying the bicycle was a transformer-type thing that tossed Biden off of it. Rather, we believe that the KGB installed weights on one side of his bike and slightly changed the toe cage on the pedals so that he couldn’t get his toes out in certain situations and would fall over.

    What the CIA Director didn’t note or notice, however, is that to do such a thing the KGB would have had to break into President Biden’s home in Rehoboth Beach, which is arguably a larger problem than them making him look the fool by weighing down one side of his bike.

    Regardless, RINOs and Democrats were quick to jump behind the CIA statement on the bicycle, with Liz Cheney, Chuck Schumer, and Adam Kinzinger slamming Republicans for mocking Biden for being part of a “Russian plot” and claiming that all those who pushed the “Russian propaganda” need to be “kicked off of social media so that they can no longer help Putin advance his devious, evil agenda and spread chaos around the world.”

    Biden, for his part, got confused when trying to speak about the incident and Russia’s involvement later, saying that the CIA was incorrect in describing him as “rushin'” and that he otherwise had quite a nice, relaxing time.

    By: Gen Z Conservative, editor of GenZConservative.com. Follow me on Facebook and Subscribe to My Email List

    Will you vote for Trump in 2024?(Required)
    This poll gives you free access to our premium politics newsletter. Unsubscribe at any time.
    This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.