NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
Confused as to how the Democrats’ new “Inflation Reduction Act,” a bill that Brandon himself just signed into law after it muddled its way through both houses thanks to Manchin deciding to finally go along with leftist plans?
Well, you’re not alone. It makes sense to be curious how a spending bill that places a new tax on petroleum producers at a time when fuel price inflation is one of the bigger inflation-related challenges that American families face, and so many people have been asking why the bill is called the “Inflation Reduction Act” if it really seems more like a “typical tax and spend on semi-popular issues so that moderates leaning toward our side vote for us in the upcoming midterm election” bill.
But it’s not just average Americans and GOP members of Congress that are asking why the bill is called what it is and how it will go about affecting the goal implied by its name: President Slow Joe Biden did as well.
That question came, embarrassingly for Schumer, Manchin, and Pelosi, during the ceremony where Brandon was supposed to be signing the bill.
Searching all over the desk for the Mont Blanc pen with which he was meant to sign the legislation (it was in his hand), Biden’s eyes eventually landed on the bill itself. Reading the title, Biden then looked behind him at Senator Schumer and said:
“Hey, Jack, inflation is too high. Darn Republicans keep saying mean things about me because of it. Glad we’re lowering it finally, how does this bill do that?”
The question was reasonable enough, though it made it clear to everyone watching (the clip proceeded to go viral on Twitter) that Biden had no idea what was going on and why the Democrats had ushered the bill through the legislature.
Schumer, however, had no answer. Mumbling a bit, he said “Just sign it, Mr. President, and we can go over all the inflation reduction bits later.”
But Biden refused to, not out of spite but because he was distracted and curious, having given up looking for the pen (still in his hand) and wanting to know what was going on. That curiosity turned into anger, however, when no one could give him an answer about how the Inflation Reduction Act would actually lead to a reduction in inflation.
In fact, tensions were only lowered and the bill signed when Dr. Jill, emerging briefly from Covid quarantine to calm her angry husband, told him that he would get a warm bowl of oatmeal and “two of those cups of applesauce [he] likes so much” if he just put his name on the paper. That he did with a crayon on his desk and then wandered off behind her, hoping for his oatmeal and applesauce.