NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.
There are certain very real problems currently facing the United States.
The government just blew up a derailed train full of toxic chemicals in Ohio, sending a noxious cloud of very dangerous chemicals spewing into the sky. Among those is phosgene gas, one of the nastier chemical weapons from World War I. All told, the chemicals produced from the burning train (again, a train set alight by local authorities) could destroy thousands upon thousands of acres of US farmland, cause significant death and illness in the community, and turn that area into America’s Chornobyl. That’s a real problem.
Similarly, the Biden regime just got outed as having blown up the Nord Stream pipeline. That means America launched an attack on a nuclear armed power and is ever closer to risking World War III for the Ukraine. That also is a very real problem.
What’s not a real problem is the UFO nonsense coming out of Canada and Alaska. That, rather, is a classic attempt at misdirection. Not wanting people to look into the chemical spill or try and figure out what’s going on with the Nord Stream pipeline and a potential war with Russia, the Biden regime made it all up after the balloon drama as a way of keeping people focused on a made up story in which we’re “winning.” Who cares about a burning train when an F-22 just shot down a UFO, after all?
Unfortunately for Brandon, he didn’t know that his administration had made the whole thing up. He thought it was real and he was very, very scared. According to our source within the White House, Biden, frightened of being attacked by angry aliens, has been hiding in the White House bunker for nearly two days now, scared to death of what the aliens will do to him if the military doesn’t succeed in shooting them down.
And so he sat cowering in the bunker, hoping that the military would be successful while sending ever more resources to the upper midwest and Alaska to help fight the aliens. Our NATO allies were infuriated when he recalled fighter wings from NATO bases in Germany and Poland to fight the aliens.
After a few days of fun at Biden’s expense, however, the Administration finally told him that the aliens weren’t real and that he could come out of his bunker, explaining that it had been made up to distract people from his other errors. They also took his phone away so that he couldn’t tweet out an “all clear”
By: Will Tanner. Follow me on Twitter @Will_Tanner_1