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Confused Hunter Keeps Having to Ask Deer Their Gender While Trying to Shoot a Buck

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: This is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Opening day of deer season last year was a rough day of hunting for Bill, a deer hunter in Tennessee. Travelling out to the local hunting club the night before, he’d been excited to try out his new gear and rifle and confident of achieving some sort of success.

    The problem came the next morning, a problem brought about by a recent diversity training seminar at the bank he worked at as a wealth management consultant.

    That training, you see, taught him that gender isn’t discernable by obvious physical features. Breast size, genetalia, an adam’s apple, the direction one’s feet point (out for men, straight forward for women), none of it matters a lick now.

    Rather, to determine one’s gender, you have to ask and find out. Male, female, Apache attack helicopter…it’s impossible to tell until you ask.

    A well meaning soul if not a particularly bright one, Bill decided to ask “XDSJFSDFASF”, the pink-haired diversity consultant, if the same theory applied to animals, particularly deer.

    What about bucks and does?” he asked. “The bucks have racks and the does don’t, and the bucks tend to be quite larger. Does this apply to them to?

    Shocked that he was being sincere in the question but sensing an opportunity to make a point, XDSJFSDFASF said “Yes, Bill, it does. This is universal. Gender can only be found out by asking. Whether a deer, person, or ancient skeleton, the only way you can ever be sure is by asking.

    That was a problem for Bill, he realized, for two reasons. The first was that he was yet to shoot a buck, something his friends had been making fun of him for for years; because of that, he was determined to shoot a buck and wanted to be sure it was actually a buck, not a deer that looked like a buck but was actually a doe, that he was shooting. The other problem was that deer didn’t talk to hunters and, in fact, tended to bound off at the first whisp of human noise or even scent.

    So, camoflauged and sitting up in his tree stand, Bill had a decision to make: would he risk shooting a buck-looking deer that identified as a doe, or ask the deer first and make sure he only shot a buck?

    Frustrated, he decided to do the latter option just to play it safe.

    As if on cue, a massive 14-point buck (or at least deer that looked like a buck), wandered into the food plot a mere 50 yards away from him, an incredibly easy shot for one even partially experienced in shooting a rifle.

    So, Bill asked the deer what it identified as , saying “PSST, you’re a buck, right?”

    It, predictably, bounded off and he saw nothing else for the rest of the morning, which was incredibly frustrating to him.

    Later, sitting around the lunch table, shown up by his friends who had all managed to bag deer that looked like bucks, Bill shared his story and was mercilessly mocked by his decidedly non-woke friends, all of whom were astounded he listened to the diversity consultant.

    Shamed and humiliated, Bill determined that he’d go back to common sense and use his brain and eyes to determine if a buck was a buck in the future.

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