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Congress Votes to Send All US Tax Revenue to Random Foreign Countries, Spend Nothing In America

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    Note: This article may contain commentary or the author's opinion.

    NOTE: The following article is satire, not a statement of fact. Treat it as such.

    Faced with the tough choice of whether to spend tax dollars in America, on Americans, or to send the money abroad and deposit it in the bank accounts of every corrupt nation and leader under the sun, Congress voted near-unanimously to send the money abroad.

    Congressman Dan Crenshaw, hot off the heels of defending the legislature’s decision to send $40 billion to a certain corrupt regime in Eastern Europe that Google has determined cannot be named, decided to defend the decision in a ridiculous Twitter rant, saying:

    Looks like Marjorie Taylor Greene, Rand Paul, and all those others attacking our decision to spend taxpayer money on foreigners rather than Americans must really be angling hard for those spots on Russian TV networks!

    “What, we’re supposed to build bridges in America, try to stop the opioid epidemic, or secure the southern border from invaders? Hell no! This is America, this is Biden’s America, this is the land of sending trillions to greedy, corrupt foreigners to safeguard the lucrative, corrupt bargain of our elites! And if you don’t support that, then you’re a traitor!

    Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi, seconding Crenshaw in a retweet, said:

    I agree with the brave congressman on this one. Standing by our allies, all those nations that rely on us for funding so that their leaders can splurge on useless products at the American taxpayer’s expense, that’s what the US is all about!

    “America is already a wealthy land. Its citizens can pay for their own needs, the government doesn’t need to! Rather, we need to keep sending trillions more abroad into the dark holes of the bank accounts of dictators. And like Crenshaw said, if you don’t support that, then you’re a traitor!

    It was later reported that both Crenshaw and Pelosi have “investments” in nations like Myanmar, Burkina Faso, Equatorial Guinea, Serbia, and Kazakhstan that are worth billions, and that the majority of the funds spend had flown into “development funds” for those countries.

    The only currently serving politician to stand up to the lunacy of the decision was Sen. Rand Paul, who did so during an appearance on Tucker Carlson’s show, saying:

    I mean, this is just sheer lunacy. These are American tax dollars that we’re spending, taxes taken out of the paychecks of our people at a time of high inflation that are theoretically meant to pay for services and projects that benefit Americans.

    “But what are we doing with the money? Spending it on some ludicrous projects in the sub-Saharan bush and in Eastern European countries ruled by oligarchs so brazen that they would make Putin’s inner circle blush!

    “This is insanity. Pure and simple insanity. Yet Congress is going along with it because its full of corrupt actors that are benefiting from the spending through their “investment” portfolios in these corrupt countries. That’s the truth about what’s going on right now and why you’re money is headed to Burkina Faso.

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